So many decisions haunt me now.
I toss the pillow just wanting sleep...rescue me sweet rest!
Down my weary mind wanders, taking each step,
deeper and deeper into the cellars of a midwinters dream.
I am Boundless, free, at ease.
A sweet lantern of light is within my reach.I tenderly walk into the night enjoying a midwinters freeze,
without a worry, thought or care.
Stiff breezes of ice fill my lungs, pulling me closer and closer.
An uneasy mist surrounds.
I lift up the lantern...and before me is.........Shock!
Bleeding from her lips she curses and cusses me out.
In misbelief...is this real and.... why?
I cannot make my feet run! Stuck...as if in mud...
Panic begins to set in.
I do feel... my body is safe, as I toss and turn eradictly in bed.
My mind sends out warning, make this dream end!
"What's the matter, can't you run?
Isn't that what you have always done?
Amazed by me...?
Interesting...the way you stand there...gawking,
do I not look familiar?"
Lifting the lantern higher I see,
she wears.... my..... face!
Weeping in anger, almost a rage.
Poised as if she were delivering a message or come to destroy me.
Nervously swallowing trying to find my voice,
I ask, "why... have... you come?"
"I am your secret denials, decisions put off,
my beauty has been transformed,
this is What YOU Have DONE...!
I am bound by your unconfessed anger and buried rage.
Kept in your dark cellars dwelling, suffering, bellowing.
I am bleeding from exhaustion, it is.. I.. who needs rest.
If you dare to RUN from me now?
I will BREAK YOU DOWN........I WILL CRUSH YOU INTO DESPAIR,
Do You Hear My Voice Clear? "
If ever there were a time to run? Now.....would be it!
There was a yearning.... agony in her eyes..... they were mine.
The words just escaped my lips, pelted out of my mouth!
"Why is..... change so hard! Why....do my decisions feel so heavy?
Am I wandering in lonely aisles of dark? Will I ever truly find my way?
What if the decisions do not work? Who can I really trust with all
my feelings..... including the ones... I... don't understand?
Can you give me....hope? my shaking voice warbling the words out.
It was then..... I awoke.
Go ahead, you may ask! Well, what did I do ?
"I certainly did not go back to sleep...that was definitely OUT!"
I made a cup of peppermint tea, calmed myself, took out my notebook,
and drew up a list........
Decisions I have put off,
my favorite excuses,
followed by: What is one thing you can do to cross this OFF your list!
Second page was almost the same,
"things that have me pissed off!
What is my favorite excuse to do nothing at all?
Is there one thing I can do to cross this off my list!"
I am still working on this list, I've added and changed some,
turns out it is a working list, evolving.
I have a strong intuition feeling whatever "it" was in that dream?
She meant every word.... that came out of her lips!
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