I hear you asking, what’s wrong with me?
Can I see the future? What’s yet to be.
I hear you laughing, not to my eyes.
I see your demon with all its lies.
You’re just a human, pretentious race.
You fear each other, I see your face.
Can you feel the silence? Do you feel the cold?
Can you touch the darkness? Is your future sold?
Can you sleep at bedtime? Can you sleep at all? (not in song version)
Are the voices in you, breaking down their walls?
Catch me, I’m falling.
Help me, I’m falling.
Have I died?
Author notes
This piece started off life as a poem and developed into a song. With performance video. You can hear the album version of this song at www.myspace.com/petrifiedrecords
In a list
A contest entry
- Poetry Video Slam - Win $50!!! (Extended one week, enter now!) by Kevin.
700 points, ended January 14, 4 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Songs by the evil angel.
525 points, ended May 15, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Songwriting by Flotsam Jetsam.
600 points, ended August 22, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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A beautiful title.. speaks ! as does the lyrics that touch a mind..
Poems are lyrics without music, in your case its both.
Thank you for sharing with me
Julie
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Very well done. You have potential. Did you write this song, or did you only write the few lines not in the song version? I'm a bit confused about that. If you did only enter those few lines, I would love to see something completely original. You have the potential to write just what I asked for. I asked for original work, so if you only wrote a few lines, then it isn't what I'm looking for. If you wrote this song on your own, I congratulate you. It's very well done. Please reply and let me know whether or not you wrote this, I'm very anxious to know.
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Hi there,
Yes I wrote the entire song myself. The video is of me performing it live (solo). The few lines you refer too are just not in this version or the album version (The song just seemed too long with them in). If you check the 'Lyrics' list on my page, you'll find many more lyrics to my songs.
Thank you for your kind words, it is very much appreciated.
Take care,
Cheers,
Fritz......
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Why is this so damn sad. I mean I know why it's sad...but it's beautiful. I like it a lot! Wonderful...I like the vid too! Kudos on the shiny trophy
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wow this is a great way to start a new day
thank you
for sharing your song
and musis
acoustic
i love guitair
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Congrats on the HM!
So sorry I couldn't listen, no working speakers
but the words are beautiful. Powerful with a very smooth flow to it. Well penned! 
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I can so relate to your amazing song!! What wonderful delivery and you have a beautiful voice too. I can't say enough to tell you how much I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing
Theresa
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WOW!!! I truly enjoy this. This really would be a wonderful song. The emotion in it is powerful, the flow is great!! Continue to write, you have true talent. Two thumbs up
~Nikki
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Very cool, I liie lyrics to songs. Congrats on your green trophy. You entered this in alot of poems. Good luck to you in your future writing endeavors.
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I need to hook up my speakers right. My computer is new, and the speakers aren't working for some reason. The poem, (lyrics) are very deep. It's like someone seeing people and reality for what it really is. A perception, that others do not have, save a few poets and songwriters. Hehe.
I think that many of us can relate to this. I particularly, liked this stanza;
"I hear you laughing, not to my eyes.
I see your demon with all its lies."
Very good!
Thanks for sharing. THis was great - and congrats on the h.w. -
Nice song + interesting play-intro. Beautiful chrous and refrain, and well played :) Fun to see a successful local performance :) Very melancholy, and interesting use of red clothing/lighting/etc. It could use a break-out sequence or jam somewhere in it, as it starts to feel a bit too march-sounding. Great work!
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This is so beautiful my friend and you have a beautiful voice to go with the words.
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This is different, I really like it. I can easily relate to the words. I will be checking out myspace for the album version.
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Came back to listen again,was just as moved,the line that had the most impact for me " catch me I'm falling,have I died..."
Am off to listen to more of your audio!
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nice...
i liked this it's a good poem. keep it up and write more like this.
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good
This is a great way to express the words by music. Great poem.
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Thank you so much for your kind words, it is very much appreciated...
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I like this alot, very haunting lyric and melody. Vocals were great, the sound quality was excellent and I love the dramatic prologue
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Thank you so much for your kind words, it is very much appreciated...
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Superb!
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I liked this.
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Absolutely excellent.The audio was clear,the presentation professional.The brief interaction between the other characters at the beginning was a good intro and the fact that the figures stayed in their pose clinging to each other for comfort compounded the emotion but the lyrics did not depend on the visual but spoke for themselves.A smooth,freeflowing rhyme,a thought provoking and entertaining piece that I am bookmarking to listen to again as enjoyed that much.Bravo.
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Hi Yvette,
thank you so much for your kind words, it is very much appreciated. Glad you enjoyed it...
Cheers,
Fritz..................
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wow this is fantastic, although somehow my freakin computer wouldnt let me see the vid, but i love the lyrics!!!
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hi there,
glad you like the lyrics, your kind words are much appreciated.
if you'd like to see the vid & can't see it here, try directly at youtube or www.myspace.com/fracturedpersona.
if you'd like to hear the album version of the song try www.myspace.com/petrifiedrecords.
thanks again,
cheers,
Fritz.....................
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Beautiful !
I love the video too
Stay safe
~AJ
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hi Amanda,
thank you for your kind words, glad you liked it...
I've had people in tears performing it live. although, whether that's to do with locking the doors before the show starts or the sadness of the song, I couldn't say, Lol!!!
thanks again,
cheers,
Fritz....................
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