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You Got Me

You got my back?
Yeah
He said
Through hell
Through heaven
I'll be behind everything you do

We're brothers
Best friends
Stiff-necked 'til the end
But no matter what
I got you

You'll be there
When I lose my faith
Lose my place
Lose my face
I can count on you, brother

We've been through
The tough times
The time I almost died
I knew you'd be by my side
Cause we understand eachother

So let's be brave
Be foolish
But let us always remember
That I got your back
And you got mine
Always, bro,
Until the end of time

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Dorick
    May 8, 2008

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    Hahaha, brotherly love is so made fun these days, it's almost unfair reading this,
    "I got your back
    And you got mine"
    What's our world coming to?

    Overlooking our crooked society, that's a very brave and loyal thing to write of. See, I could always say "I got your back" cause I never fear having to protect someone else's life, but I could never say they have mine, because I do not trust.

    I get a subtle feeling that you may be in the military?

    As for the quality of the writing, I think you already have a good piece, but if you ran through, I bet you could find ways to improve it. Check an online thesaurus, it's always got my back.


    • Scion
      May 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for the very detailed feedback... don't see that a lot these days... Anyways, to answer, I am not in the military, but this poem was written mainly for the brotherhood of the streets. Originally, I had a couple stanzas elaborating the "time I almost died" line (close-call LSD od, flatline most of the time), but I thought it too graphic for the overall sing-songy feel for this poem.. ugh. The thesaurus is a wonderful friend, indeed. I just settled on a more simple and repetitious type feel- I think it gives the poem a little innocence where the inspiration has none? no?


  • XxTwigxX
    March 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Im delighted to read this. Awsome flow and great message. A wonderfully written piece, may I add.


  • Swangrnv gold member
    March 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    yeah...

    ...the second stanza is powerful! a good piece all around!

  • CellarDoorEssentials
    March 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very clear and appropriate example of brotherly love. I think that you stick well with the theme and really work out a very intimate portrayal of the characters you create. I do not have any siblings but I get a great idea of how brothers can look after one another and stick with one another through thick and thin. My favorite lines are:

    We're brothers
    Best friends
    Stiff-necked 'til the end
    But no matter what
    I got you

    They could stand alone as an entirely seperate poem with still the same impact. Bravo!


  • Blooming Poet
    February 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Its good to know someone cares. and that someone will be there when you fall downa and be a hand to pull you back up. Those kind of lovers, family or friends should be held close and near to peoples heart. Some people just don't appreciate the love people give, I can really see that you and your friend both realize your importance in eachothers lives. Great write.


  • RyanosaurusWrecks
    February 8, 2008

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    reminds me of my brother, thanks for sharing this write. i really dont care, but i used to use the word " 'til " also, until overly reprimanded by contests hosts...so you can say screw it and keep it, or screw it and change it...alright then, peace


    • Scion
      February 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      the word 'til, although not aesthetically pleasing and not really correct grammatically, is still open to be used in my book. In this particular case, until would not work with the rhythm of the poem, so 'til sufficed. Thanks for the comment. Cheers.


  • TheElf gold member
    January 29, 2008

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    What a great poem! Great metre, great choice of words about a great subject. I have 2 brothers and that is exactly how we feel about each other.


  • opaqueangel
    November 29, 2007

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    Aw this is very sweet! I have a brother whose relationship is exactly like this, but unfortunatly he lives pretty far from me and I hardly get to see him. This is so great that you have some one that you are that close to and cam always count on, everyone needs someone like that. You did a very good job with this peice and I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for your entry! Keep up the excelent work and good luck in the contest!

    • Scion
      December 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thanks for the reply, and thanks for letting me enter!
      best of luck
      Cheers

1 - 11 of 11