Hate the bliss behind bleak covers
as you world turn amiss.
Hate the kiss of long lost lovers,
poisonous bites from evil creatures.
Hate your friends, hate your mother,
as you hide from judging eyes.
Despise the people who have you smothered,
like pernicious creeps they are.
Listen to your inner voice
telling you to evade what’s real
Listen to the static noise
forcing you to realize:
You hate this life that strangles your soul,
you hate the cold fate your given.
In your tragedy, it’s your prime role,
your gallows pole.
Hate this world from witch you are driven.
Envy existence, for you shall not know.
Hate the absence of a halo.
Hate what you have become!
A contest entry
- Just Write by Madison Mary.
300 points, ended November 27, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatcha got now? by Southern Darling.
700 points, ended January 1, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Poor ending lines. They leave the reader hanging, waiting for more that never comes. I'd really appreciate it if you'd go through and check your grammar and spelling. They were slightly distracting, as I had to guess at what you really meant. Also, if you're going to rhyme, RHYME. Don't just half-rhyme. It completely throws the poem out of rhythm. Your words were packed full of pretty-factor though, so kudos there
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Just don't! No, seriously... don't hate! I know I really have no right telling you what to feel, but I'm gonna try anyway cos I think I've been here and it's so much easier to just accept the but of truth in people's lies... while remaining true to your core but understanding that that's what the world revolves around and unfortunately you're not gonna change much of it through personal disapproval... rather work from your sphere of influence~ I don't know if you at all get what I'm saying... I do hope so though! TC <3 Alex
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