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I will never forget

I light a cigarette.
I try to forget

The memory remains
So does the pain

I try to die
I try to lie
I try to live
I try to give
I try but won't
I try but don't

I light another cigarette
I still can't forget

I don't feel the warmth
I won't feel the hate

I try to lie
I try to die
I try to give
I try to live
I try but don't
I try but won't

I put out my cigarette
I will never forget

Author notes

I guess this is option four

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • kistoclou
    March 14

    Edit | Reply

    hmmm

    a little stunted in my opinion. To repetitive. It was good, but I just didn't like the flow. maybe if you had made the repetition rhyme but say something else (like you changed cry to lie) that would make it a whole lot better. I loved the cigerett part though, still pretty good. Oh and maybe try to take out the three pains. leave like the first one but change the two following. Obviously your poem is your poem, so you don't have to that's just my opinion.


    • HeartBr8ker
      March 14
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Yea that was good advise. I did follow it. Thank you for it.


  • Nostalgic Moon
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I try to cry
    I try to die
    I try to live
    I try to give
    I try but won't
    I try but don't
    >
    >
    I try to lie
    I try to die
    I try to give
    I try to live
    I try but don't
    I try but won't


    I like how you mixed it up instead of using the same exact thing.
    nice poem, good luck in my contest


  • Barely Breathing gold member
    March 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a great poem. I loved the outline of this poem and how you ended this is great. It gave this poem so much meaning. Best luck for the contest.


  • eronrox
    March 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is pretty good, understandable about memories you just want to go away. that's me everyday.


  • Naridill gold member
    November 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Please read rules before entering
    & make sure you follow them.
    • No end line rhyme..


  • Shirley Shaw
    November 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Nice Poem

    Again, A very Good Rhyming Poem, But Tis' So Sad. I like it though..It is very hard, for the pain to go away,and sometimes ,it never really does, completely....'Hang-In-There'...'God Bless You Always'...Love, Shirley ann shaw-raytown,mo.....


  • Noir mariposa...x gold member
    November 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It is a good poem, it has a lot of emotion put through it. I must admit that not all of it is happy as such, but tis good none the less.

    Poem = good
    smoking = bad

    ((had to add that in))

    just remember to keep on smiling no matter how hard the pain and memories get, because theres always someone out there who will keep you company, and they'll support ya thru what ever you're going through.

    Claire xx

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