A child got curious in mind,
gazing at the stars to find:
How can love be breathtaking to an innocent soul?
Wasn’t love somewhat uncanny to feel at my age?
Can love interweave two mortals to an unbeaten whole?
Is there a significance to love on life’s eternal page?
An adolescent sung joyfully
while dancing gracefully:
Oh, my heart is locked up by an exquisite charm.
Allured, I was, to realize how love is so spectacular!
I plunge endlessly to the heavens without harm,
how soothing it is to fantasize this sentiment’s vernacular!
An adult investigates this matter
and snaps with a smile’s flatter:
I pledge gallantly that love is nonexistent;
how blind I was to glimpse the wounds it implement.
Independently, I must untie myself from a distant
place before love evolves to a grotesque element!
An old individual, now dying,
speaks lastly with spirit crying:
Never reject love’s design to overcome you.
It wants to reveal how it can be compassionate.
No matter how unbearable it came through,
love is everlasting, powerful and forever passionate . . .
Author notes
Username: PatheticKt
So I thought about placing love’s definition in different point of views
Although some may not be true since
I don’t know how adults and old people
Define love’s meaning at all *sweatdrops*
So I hope everyone in different ages like this piece
You may spread this poem to anyone if you want
I just wanna show how love can be fearless in some cases
And not fearless in other cases ^^
I hope you like this piece.
I didn’t make much effort but I guess it turn out well
Comments are always appreciated =]
In a list
A contest entry
- The Enchanted Misery Contest by Ms Raneika.
1200 points, ended March 20, 2008, 75 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love like no other by okadadokie.
680 points, ended April 24, 2008, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Got an HM You Think Deserves Better? by Paloszoo.
900 points, ended April 9, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Honorable Mentions and Bronze Award Poems Contest! ^^ by MJ Forgives.
900 points, ended September 11, 83 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think will make this poem better
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Wow your poem is really good. I find it so fascintating how you put every stage of our lifes about the perspective view of love. I don't think anyone could do better than you did at all. I really mean it. I hope you do wonderful in my contest and thanks for entering.
-Jess
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oooooooooooooops. Forgot these.
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Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 8.75 – This is a profound poem, which I think deserves a more profound title. The title, as is, gives way too much information. I wouldn’t click on it, and I’d miss a great read
Poem Flow: 9.15 – Not bad. Meter/flow is off a little bit, which makes for a slightly choppy read. Rhyme was off in some spots, but it was nice overall.
Depth: 9.5 – Nice impact. I’ll ponder this for a bit.
Emotional Impact: 8 – Although I pondered it and will, it didn’t have much of an emotional impact on me. I’m sorry.
Spelling and Grammar: 9.50 – Good job. Found one error: “wounds it implement” should be “wounds they implement”.
Punctuation and Caps: 10 – Nice job!
Presentation: 9.75 – I loved how you presented this in life stages.
Personal Appeal: 8.75 – I was drawn in by this poem, but the genre isn’t my favorite. Great write!
My score: 73.40/80.00
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For one who has not experienced each stage of life mentioned in the piece, you have a good grasp of how each stage views love and falling into it. Being in the second stage myself, I could very much relate to your words. This is a fine piece! Unfortunately, it doesn't fit my requirement of not having been entered in any contest before mine, so I will have to remove it. Please feel more than welcome to enter another, though.
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Nice job. I agree that love is everything and it is different to different people. Depending on whether we are young or old but still ... love is all. thank you for entering
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I enjoyed this very much
You have a very big vocabulary
Especially for a 15 year old!
Favorite part:
Never reject love’s design to overcome you
It wants to reveal how it can be compassionate
No matter how unbearable it came through
For love is everlasting, powerful and passionate…
I'm glad you entered my contest
You did a fantastic job
Good luck
♥[Katee]♥ -
I really enjoyed this- interesting take on other's outlooks on love. I like how you went through the different mindsets of different ages. Good Job! Thanks for entering the contest!
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I really like this. The flow and rhyme are great. Thanks for the write.
~Oka/KC -
i have been struggeling all day with my meds being out of ballence... i have kept it together without crying all day, but now that i have read your words i am in tears... this is insightful and so very very true... i was extremely tochsed with the lines about the adult and the dieing, perhaps because on days like this when my brain is saying end it and my will is screaming that is not an opetion this really hits home. i can not express to you how deeply i have taken your words. thank you so much for what you do not even know. and may the blessings of the universe kiss you softly today.
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aww, i never knew this piece would actually give a really great impact to one of the people who read this
i'm so glad you love this and i am touched about your wonderful comment may you have blessings, too ^_^ 
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A good in-depth poem with a meaning all can relate I thank you for entering my contest!
Love, Raneika
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I absolutely loved this poem!! I think it is so true, and I really enjoyed it. Excellent job!!
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I adored this. It was extremely thoughtful and well, hopeful at best. This, (as well as your horribly long profile… which I read XD) has brought you my dear, unto my favorites! w00t! Hope to see more great stuff soon!
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This poem is AMAZING!!!!!!!!!
I absolutely love it.
And you say it took little effort eh?
Now that shows a real poet!
The form of this poem is capturing
And the words kept me enthralled.
Great job and good luck in the contest!!
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Personally I think love at any age can be fresh and new~ The feelings regardless of age can be just as effective and hurtful as the first time. ~ A young person believing in love are often fooled in believing in something that isn't always a true as they think. ~
Your write is unique in style ... and you've convey your point well~ Nice job
Thanks for entering the "Set the Bar" contest ~ I really appreciate you sharing your work with me~ Good luck to you
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very original poem! you have some great lines in this poem! thank you for entering my contest and good luck!
~NineTailedFox -
what an awsome read
well done and you are so young. just an awsome write. I noticed one typo but an awsome write you have completed...
" Now " matter how unbearable it came through
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A very humbl perspective!
You have given a lot of quiet thought to this quest! I am inspired by your open heart, of youthful innocence... You have a distinct passion, for finding the truth in loves calling, for all... and are on your way to becoming an icon of true strength even though you be yet young... I feel that this poem, was in its' depths, right on, so I say way to go, it was simply beautiful, and had a certain compelling charm!
~ James ~
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I liked this, especially the last stanza, the old persons point of view. I think you have captured most of the points of view about love as we grow up. I just got a picture of an old person lying in bed lamenting on love lost and wishing that they had realised earlier in life that love is something to be hung onto at all costs. As I said, I enjoyed reading this, nice job.
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This is truly an amazing poem. You did a fantastic job with penning this, and it flowed brilliantly. My all-time favorite part of this poem would have to be this...
An adolescent sung joyfully
While dancing gracefully:
Oh, my heart is locked up by an exquisite charm
Allured I was, to realize how love is so spectacular!
I plunge endlessly to the heavens without harm
How soothing it is to fantasize this sentiment’s vernacular
Truly an amazing & astonishing job you did with this poem. God bless you for sharing and good luck to you and your poem in the contest. I hope you win it would be well-deserved. -
Awesome!
This is a well written piece! You write well beyond your years. Some great perspectives on love here...
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Always have my mind racking over your words...Beautiful as it is complex, loved it. Long time eh? Missed me huh? Naks Katie, how many outings and u never come along! Wats this! Missed you noh? Foundation day, ants bday, oho!
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i love the attitude in here!both perspective and style are equally challanging!very original!well done!keep up!
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wow this is beautiful. thank you so much for entering. =] and goood luck.
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This, my friend, is a very very awesome poem!! ((wow, why didn't i think of this? so jealous lol)) I like the different points of view, i think its very clever how you've portayed the stages of life and their views on love, coz i suppose if you really think aboutit, this is the way the stages of love people do go through!
My favourite bit is where it shows the difference between an adult, and not caring or believing to an elderly person saying don't reject love
Extremely good write
Good luck in the contest
Claire x
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