Forgetting where we walked
When we were young
Has caused us to fall
And brought us down
It seems that these times
Cause a terrible hurt
Where we once felt joy
We now fell pain
Its not so rare
For these feelings to show
But there used to be boundaries
Where no one would go
Were all so afraid
Of what but ourselves
Afraid to create
What could be mocked
There will be a day
In which we'll realize
The pain we cause
On helpless lives
-j.v
A contest entry
- 1 hour contest - closes in 1 hour by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended November 24, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think in general? Improvements?
Comments
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this was very subtle, in meaning and in words.
you made great use of the whisper effect and made sure that each stanza was very powerful in its meaning. subtle and powerful, n oxymorone but you made it work. this is a great piece of work.
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I can see it
That is so true in what you say. I like how you form your words. Good job! -
wow i really like this, nice job the title is very fitting for this, good luck in the contest.
StolEvol
Cupcake
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