Wow.
A thought occured;
Thus I minced
..and I pondered
Into words which remain unconveyed
Oh shameless poetics
Oh unscrupulous words
Which I can't just come out and say
Critics with fake rivets
Propel comments with who gives it's
Who needs your advice anyway?
True beauty and inspiration
Expand outward less limitation
In the hearts of the souls that admire.
"How great.. it's simply amazing!"
To an ego tranquilly grazing
In the fields of the ignorant
Don't love me, hate my work
Please find some ghastly quirk
A soul
Evolves, with grace
A drone
Remains, a waste
Don't cast me upon the fluff
Teach me to bear the rough
A rock and a hard place, yes
Which one do I choose, guess?
~
Author notes
The only creative intuition I had tonight was that there is something that bothers me about the social interaction of people on Allpoetry. Judge me.. it's the only way I'll evolve If you like _something_ great.. tell me what it was.
Written October 23rd, 2003
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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There is still nothing to critique in the form or the tone or the beauty of this.... except the last line .. leaving it as a question doesn't salvage it from being absolute, instead it reduces the momentum built up through the write ..
the clarity in this needs to strike at the end with a fist .. as if it were a chisel of time being laid..
Instead of the guess..
why not add the stone..
as all things are, in the end
formerly 'whims'.
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I liked the begining the best. You begin to rhyme, and I believe (it's a personal styalistic choice) that here is where our styles differ: rhyming is sometimes nice, but generally, I don't like to rhyme. I like to be free of all forms and just let the words flow. However, I completely respect you for rhyming because, frankly, I'm not very good at it.
"A thought occured;
Thus I minced
..and I pondered
Into words which remain unconveyed"
There is something very appealing about this, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Overall, nice job. Great write.
SilentScar
(Elizabeth) -
FantabulousExpression!!!
I'll not cast stones at heartly poets,
Nor give suggestions that I need myself,
For that matter,
I'll not judge a soul,
'Cause it's not my place,
It's rude either way,
Sacrifice your morals for a two bit comment,
Slap your lies with a fabricated smile,
Still the words remain,
Washed away or stained,
It's their choice to say what they mean,
Or kill their selves with false interpretations,
For every good recieved,
Bad has it's way,
But ragardless they're real people,
With good intentions to say,
Poetry is,
Expression is as expression does,
No boundries of structure,
Or rules from tainted closed monkeys,
See it's not their fault,
Know you have the difference in hand,
Just press those fingers down,
And make it understood...
God Bless...
Bugs & Fishes
& 
's
's & Wishes
RollyPollies & Me!
~Glet
rica/C. L. Brandon K.~
Recycle your shoes...
M&MButter...
Well, just shoot me like a Regan...
Suckatash...
For,
Words are water,
Thoughts are heat,
Thoughts boil words,
Creating expression,
Releasing steam...
AngelSnot...
Edited on Aug 28, 8:53 p.m. because 'Me bad speller...Me no know!?!...'. -
If one's opinion doesn't matter why write poetry and post it knowing full well people will comment on it...lol. Anyways, I think it is a thought provoking piece, S5 L2 is a quirk for this poem, it doesn't flow as well as the rest, "less" doesn't fit..just my opinion.
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:)
sweat. This poem got everything, flow, style, and intelegence.
it was really fun to read. Onfortunatly its human nature to judge things, such as my reading this poem and judging it. sometimes its a good thing.
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I do not wish to judge because I do not know you well enough but I opened this piece so somehow I'll rise to the challenge of giving my sincerest insights and understanding by letting you know of my first impressions based on your writes that I read.
I like your AP name.
I like the way you display your vocabulary.
I like your confidence in posting your own style and form.
You are straight to your point but I think you need a bit of tact.
THIS IS STRAIGHTLY COURAGEOUS. -
.I liked the way you expressed this through the usage of your words and i totally agree peopel tell you what thye think you want to hear and not the real truth
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Not bad.
Okay, I'll give you an honest comment. I thougth for the style of poem, it was *okay*. This is verse-- not horrible or lamentable, it's a little musical ditty to convey a point on a literal level. I respect the style. But if you want my advice for something a little more grandiose, try more imagery, and stay away from "easy" rhymes (e.g. inspiration, admiration). You have the right attitude, I think that, judging *strictly* from that ONE poem (an unfair judgment, I know), your poetics need slightly more sophistication, and it can only come with time, and knowledge. I would also say though that cheerleading is a necessity for a writer. Sometimes I feel like I write like crap, and people's good, but useless, comments help me keep going. -
i like the poem,but i dont understand the beef that u have with allpoetry...i find the comments helpful and interesting. if ppl dont like what they see/read, they dont have to comment, so i think that the comments are honest enough to help others strengthen their weaknesses and such...thats just my opinion, maybe i'm wrong.
kay -
In order to so truly say… one needs to know the judge’s sway, for from a simple minded mite what would you expect but slightest trite; while from the mind of poetically fulgent, you maybe dazzled by the cogent… but on the whole I’d have to agree – most remarks seem that way to me…
Isn’t ‘blurt out’ & ‘say’ tautology? (Not really a ‘ghastly quirk’ very sorryly…)
Edited on Jan 24, 5:22 because 'I wanted to – and you edit police can’t stop me!'. -
Only one thing that I can judge.... you could have been clearer, but then it may not have remained poetry.
The fragility of ego is a tempered thing I think, and it seems that most won't brave the possible backfire attack. Many say they want to be judged and want to learn but when push comes to shove are insulted when anything they use is questioned. Some of them never read a thing you write again. An honest opinion? I think for that there would have to be ratings we could use, say from 1 to 10 which would be done anonymously. That way, regardless of the comments the rating would reflect the "true" feelings of those who read.... but then...who am I? ..sigh. I wish you luck getting those evaluations, you are not the only one who wishes they could know.
~~whims -
...
~s§~
Edited on Nov 14, 1:35 because ''. -
Smiles...I liked the way you expressed this through the usage of your words...I liked how you use a rhyming scheme which reflects your true feelings. I mean, it rhymes for the first two lines of the stanza, then it seems to forget the rhyme as the irritation sets in...smiles...Hugs for you, you silly! Darianna x
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Me liked the way the poem flew...He he...Though i think you could use more metaphors or simbols - it makes the poem more beautiful...But on the whole it was a very nice and interesting piece...
sajonara
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I like everything about you. You have a personality that sparkles, and write with wisdom and understanding. I adhere to the old saying, "judge not, lest ye be judged." I would prefer that no one force a judgment on me, without getting to know me in-depth first. It seems unfair and biased to do so... anyway, what does my opinion matter to anyone? You don't see yourself as being a good person, but I do, and there is nothing that would make you less of a man in my eyes.
But like I said, my opinion matters to no one.
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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o hate the idea of f/l/ags...
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i give a shit... and i do...
well.. to read you... well you hate you... and i read you why... well i love you... there i said it... i love you... but you are my bitch... and you will keep writing because... you will keep writing because you need it... write all day... everyday
uh where was i?...
Doug
give me an answer... -
Great poetry! I often feel that way about my work. I know that this is what you are trying to avoid, but I really did enjoy it. The best inspiration comes from the strangest places!
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