Trees weep love tears, warm rainbows fall slowly,
soft sounds sleep in russet rivers of gold,
greeting glorious rise of radiant dawn.
Field sentinels, corner shadows, keep secrets
hidden in leaves of care, comfort concealed.
Winds whistle, dark limbs of elegance bow,
sunshine finds sweet forests for satisfied souls;
morning world opens majesty envelopes,
arbour divine, shaded blanket of beauty
nurtured in Nature’s joy.
Silent, falling, nestling leaves blanket,
find me asleep in quiet, cosy music,
resting, royal repose of peace.
Author notes
Art: R S Adams Jr
A contest entry
- Wednesdays at Winklings by Lyndon.
875 points, ended December 3, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
very nice!
congrats on the bronze! -
Congratulations!
A well deserved BRONZE.
Anna.
-
Richard
You do us proud in a Blakean sense with the painting and the poetry.
There is a slight sense, when read aloud, of forced alliteration but not everywhere you use it. You have the ability to test this out!
The first four words remind of the work of our poet, John Shaw Neilson.
-
-
thank you, Lyndon
I do have trouble with the alliteration. It comes to me automatically, and I often wonder if I have too much of it. Maybe a period I wil grow out of eventually.
The part I particularly wondered about was the 'winsome' winds, and I think I will edit that word out.
-
-
second message in reply to Lyndon
Yes, I read it aloud again and I deleted three words altogether and now I feel happier. Thank you for the critique.
-
-
-
This made me smile. I didn't like the picture so much, it didn't do justice to this amazing poem. The word choice, the imagery, everything was so perfectly chosen and placed, just wow! Well done!
-
I really enjoyed this poem especially for its imagery. The picture you painted here is beautiful. I also think you've made great use of many literary devices and that appealed to me as I read. I wish you all the best.
-
The images are beautiful, dawn in open country with trees is magnificent. I was a little overpowered with alliteration. I got a feeling of comfort from the last stanza. Best of luck!
-
Wow, the imagery and description is amazing. I liked this one the best out of what I read. Your word usage is so active.
-
There are many beautiful lines here. I especially liked the reference to "field sentiels". I did find it a bit fractured, which effects the poems ability to flow as it's read. I really liked the vocabulary and the the descriptive ability you show here. You added twists of phrasing that keep far from clique, and stamped this very much your own specifically, " soft sounds sleep" "Field sentinels" "Comfort concealed" " dark limbs of elegance bow" "Shaded blanket of beauty" and of course that last awesome line ' resting royal repose of peace" Beautiful ending.
-
The 'nature' you have painted with words in your poem, is supremely beautiful especially by the vocabulary you used. Also the use of alliteration is great. I love it. Since we have to critique I have one small remark. Wouldn't it be better to put a comma in the second line between 'sleep' and 'russet'? You did a wonderful job with this poem.
My compliments.
Anna.
PS. I also love your art work. Very nice!
-
-
thank you, Anna
I see your critique and I see that I have missed my meaning here, so I have made an edit as you suggested. Thank you. Glad you like the alliteration; I thought I might have over done it.
-
-
'in' instead of a comma is even better.
Anna.
-
-
-
BREATHTAKING
My Dear Friend, now I realy know why I admire you so much and chose you as my Mentor. This poem is perfect the imagery is FANTASTIC. The grammer.. Wow. I love the end as it left a soothing feeling...Resting, royal response of peace. BRILLIANT. If you dont get a trophy I will be dissapointed. Ami
-
I do agree that it is nature which can be one with us becoming a mate of the soul while revealing its truth..I love this piece..and you did a master crafting here ..well done..
-
I love your use of alliteration and imagery. You have captured the simple beauty in nature. Lovely poem . . .
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
