`
1.
You've erased
the mispelled love
in her womb.
2.
You've broken
the promised smile
in her heart.
3.
You've blown
the candled life
in her breathing.
4.
You've kept
the silent wish
in her pitfall.
`
Author notes
Inspired by:
"If I apologized
It wouldn't mean I was forgiven
It Wouldn't mean you wanted me to stay..."
Written November 23, 2007
In a list
A contest entry
- Lord Abortion :: Will close early. by Naridill.
550 points, ended November 25, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my free verse by leander.
400 points, ended January 6, 2008, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Intense and awesome!!! Several little images Each one dark like a black pearl, through black pearls are still beautiful!!!
-
It seems to me you have the biggest ease to create great imagery and metaphors after reading a few of your poems. And this one shows that talent as well.
Definately enjoying your poetry!
Leander -
I neglected to include these
-
eloquent simplicity
Nicely penned -
You didn't see me come back - I came back to bunnify the page.
This is so sad, I don't understand how you could be so intuned with this, well I do but don't. If I was to give a reason/poem for me falling out of love with partner, this would be it. And its sad but so powerful.
GAWD! I love your words, you 'wisdom'
and ... 
-
-
Thanks for enjoying the piece. I had a fun time in creating and thinking of this thought.
-
-
Oh how can you bring me to tears like that, thats like bribing the judge! I can honestly say that I would be happy if that was the last poem I read ever. Not for its poetic value but just the incisions it has made and probably in the most irrelevant ways.
-
the title is interesting, all these vignettes perhaps foreshadow the outcome of this situation where one's apology is perhaps wanted but silent - and therefore a pitfall.
-
Four very thought-provoking vignettes here... wonderfully creative take on the contest theme, my friend. Sometimes forgiveness means "it's ok, but you can go", but so often it means "come back and stay"... I guess it all depends on the people involved. Loved this one.
~ Nicolette
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
