Once upon a T/I/M/E
Don’t we all *w*i*s*h*
That’s how our {story} would go?
F
I
N
D
I
N
G
A Knight,
In .:shining:. armor,
Only to discover
He really didn’t <3 love <3 you
Betrayed by the ones,
You [held] close to you,
&&& Locked in the D/U/N/G/E/O/N
To rot
A
W
A
Y
Still d~r~e~a~m~i~n~g
Of the life,
You’ll NEVER live
S.l.o.w.l.y fading away,
You {finally} realize,
You’re living,
In *hell*
[So?]
Is this what it’s like,
To live,
Happily [n]ever after?
Author notes
I took a shot and tried writing a Dirty Pretty poem, it's a bit different then other DP writes. So? How was it?
Option #1: Dirty Pretty
A contest entry
- Dirty Pretty Contest by Innocent Evil.
700 points, ended January 5, 2008, 35 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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I love the way it's written, beautiful sad and heartbreaking. We can all relate to the story you created with just a few simple words. Lovely.
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I really enjoyed the start. It paints a picture. A great scene thats punctured perfectly by the line 'He really didn't <3love <3 you'.
I love the sense of hurt and anger in the third and fourth stanza's.
Then it really slows and it's very emotional and certain words just jump out it you.
But the last stanza was my fave part, it really closes everything up. Even though it's ended with a question it seems so final.
Truely amazing. Awesome write. xo
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i like your style.
this was a very good poem...
paints an amazing (sad..) but amazing! image. -
Beautifull written dirty pretty!
This was full of gorgeous imagery & genuine thoughts
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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I can't comment on the DP part of it, because I don't know enough about the style. But I did like your emotions that were brought in this piece
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Wow this is very interesting. I really like it. It's a great style and a great write.
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after reading this again. i believe this that no one we think is our knight really is all they do is just leave and break your heart
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I love you lol. its candy by the way haha i like just joined and read like half your poems. intense, babe, intense.
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Congrats on the bronze with this piece, I think it turned out nice, makes me want to start a dirty pretty contest rather soon... well good luck with the other contests you entered this in.
-brittany-
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very nice, I really like the layout. I have not read any dirty pretty poems before so I can not really compare it to any others or say that its written "properly" (which is merely an opinion if you really want to get right down to the details) but I can tell you that I do happen to like ita whole lot!
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congrats on the bronze.
definately enjoyed this here piece.
thanks for a great read this one hit me well.
tory
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Aww yeah I suspect this is how happily never after turns out... sorry you have learnt what it would be/is like. Broken heartedness, alongside believing in things that shouldn't be believed in makes for a miserable life sometimes. I love your expressiveness within your dirty pretty though... love the style and the wording. Best of luck in the contest[s].
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I really like the unique format in this piece
I can tell that you put a lot of time into it. I have always wondered what a dirty pretty poem was...well now I know! 
Keep up the good work.
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I really like this piece. The story is great and so are the emotions in it. This tends to be more like real life than fairy tales.
The only thing is that I think this piece was a bit over punctuated. Dirty pretty isn't about the punctuation but more about the emotions in the piece.
However, it's your poem, your style, so you can obviously write it anyway you want
Thanks for entering. -
is wow a valid adjective?
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I love the title and how it fit in with the poem. This was a pretty good poem. I think you could've used more description, but still pretty good. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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It's great. It has a unique layout that makes it better to read (in my opinion). I'm not a critic, so I won't get too specific, but, once again, it was great.
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Exactly!
I could not have written anything quite as good as this... The realism in your words were strikingly true, and right on!
~ James ~ -
Happily Never After... I think I've lived there and had my experience of that. I had Karl my prince and he ended up being the wicked witches henchman... But oh well, that's life. I hope S is better, now that I've got him I feel so glad and proud. We'll see. Maybe life isn't a fairytale, but maybe it's not a total disaster / halloween story either...
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V. Nice, thats for entering my contest
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wonderful!I truly loved it!the title strickes right from the start,in a pretty orginal manner,not mentioning that the structure and the style are both very intriguing!this poem was a real pleasure!you've got the skills for "dirty pretty"
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Usually i don't like Dirty Pretty poems coz i don't get the purpose of them, but this was an exception!! How totally and utterly awesome
I feel like going to go write one now!!
Good luck with your contests
Claire xx -
it was really amazing.
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really love it nicole..i wish i could write as good as you but yea..lol good job keep it up i wanna read more of them man
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