A beauty with out a name
shields his eyes to hide the pain
treated differently
No one comes to that epiphany
you are the same
a beauty without a name
You came in then out
never let people see your face
they may know what you're about
hiding facts behind a front of sadness
hide from all this madness
You are the same
a beauty without a name
Whimpering silently for help
all alone you dealt
No one reaches out
hope leaves refills with doubt
let people gawk
let them walk
you're the same
a beauty without a name
Author notes
rawr Monkey
notsotorturedartist
A contest entry
- Your Best Prewrite 3 by Heavenly Angel.
475 points, ended December 12, 2007, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my rhymes by leander.
400 points, ended December 15, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Last Contest - Give Me Your Best by Nam.
7100 points, ended December 17, 2007, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ Anything goes! ♥ by vampireblood.
430 points, ended March 3, 2008, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE-WRITES! ROUNDS CONTEST!!! by Luminescence.
525 points, ended March 23, 2008, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To Everyone Lacking Awards by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended March 5, 2008, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want by fairytalelovestory.
625 points, ended April 11, 2008, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
how is it?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I like this poem in a general way. I feel it could be a little more polished, if that helps. Thanks so much for entering and participating. Best wishes. Your score is: Title:7 Diction:7 Syntax:6 Wowness factor:7 Total:27. Shancy.
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beautiful
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I love how you used epiphany, I have tried to use it in my writing and it never worked,so great job with that. I think it needs a title though, it can make or break poems.
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with out... should be without.
This one was one of your better poems that I have read so far. I like the topic. And your diction was a hell of a lot better than the rest so far that I have read.
The one thing that really brought you down was the title... it wasn't made up... it's your first line.
Title- 3
Diction- 9
Syntax- 7
Wowness factor- 10
Total-29
~lumin -
"Your" should be "you're."
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oops I just fixed that
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Very good, I liked this piece. I liked the repetition in the poem as well. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
~Vampy~ -
You didn't fix the errors ...
and the contest has ended. I'm DQ'ing the poems that didn't make the cut where the poet has not fixed the obvious errors and thus violated the rules of the contest.
Good luck elsewhere. -
Quite a thought-provoking poem in some way. I found a few oopsies too, but that's okey
Thank you for entering the contest - I wish you the best of luck!
Leander -
You need to fix the errors ...
and figure out the difference between "your" and "you're". In line 9 and line 20, you need to change "your" to "you're". -
A most excellent sharing
I love that you're encouraging someone to be exactly what they are and exactly who they are for that's all we really need to be
Thank you; I wish you the best! -
This is VERY well done, lovely poem! The repetition is done just right, and takes care of an awesome ending. I love the beginning too. nice rythm to it, and makes me think. What I want in all poetry
!
Well done, can't believe you're writing this at 13 years of age... That's talent you got!
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cool
r u talking about your "secret" crush or is this something else?
anyway this is well written
Meaghan -
its really good well done.
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