Now!
It flares from her eyes,
no hint of request, only demand,
princess to the core, born to rule,
just like her mother.
Court forged by Daddy's wallet,
world, she was told, belonged at her fingertips.
She squeals a token joy's resound
when getting her way,
but hell learned from mother's lip
burns when her tongue is denied any pleasure.
Today is Christmas,
and all the relatives are coming to celebrate.
They'll be judged in her eyes
by the size of presents they give.
Thank you is a word she never learned.
Besides, daddy said she could have
everything she wanted.
Why not on Christmas
when she is the reason for the day?
So very important it happens this year
for next year she'll be spending with her mom
in another state,
where the princess who gave her life
has found a more deserving hand
to give her all she needs.
Sitting and pouting, her mind bubbling with intent,
already seeing men as grapes to be squeezed,
while waiting for her next token of appeasement.
All in life she will receive by seduction and plot
along with the emptiness of a soul that love of self ruled
her heart never finding a pulse
that doesn't throb from thinking that grabbing
is the only way to feel alive.
A contest entry
- Poems That Should Have Won...But Didn't by trista.
1050 points, ended February 24, 2008, 44 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Wow! This is so incredibly visual and well-penned, with a wonderful mix of “show” and “tell”. I have occasionally seen children like this, and it’s sad as well as unappealing.
You have some fantastic lines here...
“Court forged by Daddy's wallet”
“She squeals a token joy's resound”
“already seeing men as grapes to be squeezed”
Just to name a few.
Your poem has very little I can “critique” within it. I have some suggestions, but even if you take none of them I can’t argue that this is anything less than outstanding. So, for your consideration only...
Maybe split some of your stanzas into more than one sentence. (S1, S3 and S4 especially) It would slow the pace of the poem a bit, aid the clarity, and give an extra pause or two for some of that wonderful imagery to really sink in. Just as an example:
“Today is Christmas (comma)
and all the relatives are coming to celebrate (period)
They'll be judged in her eyes
by the size of presents they give (period or semi-colon)
thank you is a word she never learned.
“Besides (comma) daddy said she could have
everything she wanted (period) ”
Also...
“world (comma) she was told (comma) belonged at her fingertips.” This line was a bit fuzzy on meaning the first time or two I read it. I think the commas would help a lot with that, just MO.
I think you could gain a lot of impact by putting “Now!” alone on a line, maybe even make it a stanza all by itself.
“All in life she will received (receive?) by seduction and plot”
I think “hopefully this one will last longer/than six months, unlike the others.” could be cut from the poem. It takes away from the focus of your subject, which is (or should be) the girl and not the mother, but just MO. I know it gives some background on how or why she is the way she is, but I feel you’ve given us enough info to make a lot of deductions already on what her mother would be like.
I want you to know this is definitely a gold quality poem IMO. I wish I could give it one in this contest, but unfortunately it doesn’t fit the guidelines/rules portion in that it needs to show it’s been entered in another contest and not have won. However...it’s just too good to not get something, so...well, we’ll see how it works out.
Thank you so much for your entry, and good luck.
Best wishes,
~J. -
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Thank you for the comments and suggestions. I was able to incorporate them for future use.
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Poor, doomed harpy! She's been 'bought off' by her parents. In lieu of loving and patient and persistent teaching and being good examples, they just purchased whatever would 'make her happy' (or shut her up) for the moment. What can she imagine happiness to be, besides the next interesting gift, which fails to fill the hollow, so maybe the next? Terrible line "seeing men as grapes to be squeezed", perfectly penned. Also "grabbing is the only way to feel alive." Fit the picture and prompt very well.
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Thank you for the wonderful comment
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This is great! Some very descriptive details and turns of phrase. Oh, those girls who never learned to say thank you. I have a niece like that and you can't tell her. I also enjoyed the description of the ex-wife and "men as grapes to be squeezed". An entertaining write though the last verse is rather depressing, the life it predicts for this princess.
Good luck
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This is only too true. Wow! you hit this one on the head, didn't you? How often do we see this? Too often I am afraid. You really nailed it. I know some kids like this, and well yeah, word for word! Such a shame too.
Best of luck to you in this contest!
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Thank you for the wonderful comment.
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