Two people stand side by side, facing each
other with the warmest of smiles and eyes of
matching hues, ever so gentle.
Both yearning to meet the others lips,
to feel the fire burning in the others soul.
Finally in a place where they can find acceptance,
all those who hover around creating a barrier in between.
The others hand they can grasp but their fears
hold them back like prisoners bound to a wall.
They are now center stage, the light is on them.
Everyone's watching, wanting to know what's next,
secretly hoping they'd break the rules and do
the unthinkable. Both of them are totally oblivious
to the world around them as they stand there.
What seems like eternity for them, is only
seconds for those who watch. One extends his hand,
in a gesture of a handshake, the other, unsure of
what to do, does the same, his hand trembling.
Then, at that very last moment, before their hands
meet, both fall into an embracing hug. They are
both filled with nervousness, and they part from the
hug. Neither are sure of how long it lasted,
they only know it wasn't long enough. Both men then
wave goodbye for the night, not able to remove the other
from his mind.
Author notes
Yes, it's oddly structured. Read it as you will, but I highly suggest you read it as the punctuation suggests. It is a personal experience from my perception, so please, do enjoy. I would love honest feedback.
A contest entry
- GLBTIQ options! by butchbec.
660 points, ended December 7, 2007, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - meh by Anonymous Shadow.
300 points, ended January 24, 2008, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP Book Contest: Get Published! (Last Chance!) by tinuelena.
1200 points, ended December 12, 2007, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What is your interpretation of this? Who does it involve?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Lovely
It was so lovely but the structure had me a bit lost. I can't really tell who this poem involves though I think it involves two male lovers...but that was a pure guess. Anyway, I really loved it.
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Excellent!!!
Very oddly structured and that is why I absolutely loved it son!!! Well done. As always ^^
"Everyone's watching, wanting to know what's next,
secretly hoping they'd break the rules and do
the unthinkable."
Isnt that so true....everyone watching. waiting.
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amazing
I absolutely adored this piece, its structure was confusing for about a line and then i got imersed within it, and it works well. Thanks for entering this comp, and good luck!
Bec
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Intrigiung!
Aside from the odd structure I feel that you did very well. I have had similar experiences as well. I can also relate to the oddity of the thoughts and feelings that go through one's mind when in a public situation despite the fact that one or the other may not care what those around you are thinking or saying. Yet as your ending states, "not able to remove the other from his mind."
Good luck in the contest! -
Very well written blue! I love the feel of it, it's more epic then anything free formed and careless almost like the breif momented embrace that they shared leaving them to want more. The poem leads oyu alng almost seeming to "stumble" as these two men stumble" towards their embrace, shaking, and yet oddly secure for in your lovers eyes no other opinion matters. Very well done! I highly approve. I think is by far your best yet. I look forward to more!
~lamia
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With some of the references it almost sounds like a forbidden love where they are only allowed to see another and embrace each other for a certain amount of time before they're forced from each other -- with force if necessary.
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Actually, they are. Their love is forbidden, frowned upon by society. It is unacceptable for them to love one another, but where they're ate, they are society. There is not a single person there who would discourage their love, but rather anything it may lead into. Even a kiss is forbidden.
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Korey the structure isn't what the point is here but I find it a lovely poem an so full of honest emotion. I only wish I could find that kind of love myself. You did a good job. I wish you the best in this and I hope this means you have found him
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The structure matters not, it is the heart and soul that it was written from and about. You have both a beautiful heart and a glorious soul. We spend much time together, as our lives allow, and although our beginning was rough, i am glad I still am with you and I love you. (not only rp)
always yours,
Midnight Onyx Jewel
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