Captured by her substantial beauty
I cry Not in sorrow
but in jelousy
jelous of her life
jelous of what her life repesents
why cant I have that
or in the least
something close
with the warm feeling of accomplishment
knowing you're the same as everyone els
I guess I am jelous
Of this thing
This thing that in all actuality
I would never want
Or even care to have
To trade a bit of yourself
To be like others
That is the defination
I am sure
Of hell
J.V.
What do you think in general? Improvements?
Comments
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Welcome to AP
I like this. You use very simple, common words and structures, and yet you show things... I guess what I like the most about this poem is that only in the ending do we find most of what you mean. I like the mystery, the feeling open to interpretation by the reader. Just noticed though - you've misspelled "jealous", "else", and "definition". Otherwise, nice poem.
~Diana
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I never liked signing poems, but that's just a personal peeve, I guess.
But I can relate to this poem, such as the stanza
"
why cant I have that
or in the least
something close
with the warm feeling of accomplishment
knowing you're the same as everyone els
"
I know that feeling, to watch everyone around you, seemingly living they're happy lives, so much better than you are. On another note, though, I think you should do a bit more spellchecking, though with the theme of this poem, some missing letters may add to the effect of "Missing", but from my position, it just looks like poor editing. I like that you stuck to a form, though. It worked out pretty nice.
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