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End of Innocence

Child, you felt the war
when the bomb killed your father.
Absence spoke harshly.
Your mother  forced
make your living on her back,
Selling love.
Baby died,
Hospital crowded.

Soldier heard & cried.

Author notes

Inspired by incident where a mother sought help for her dying one year old child at the front gate. As a guard I wished that I could tell her where to go but I had no knowledge and my sergeant had told us not to talk to the people, to be quiet and vigilant, so I did my best and wished for the woman and child peace and health.

A contest entry

Please learn arabic and pray for peace. Support our troops and cause of freedom, please.

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • cordova
    November 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    War is hell but peace is boring.


  • Anna Emkah
    November 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    War is terrible. So many innocent people get killed... and for what? ... Just a simple idea of a few people? I hate the war and what it does to people.
    Now about your poem. You want my honest opinion on it? I guess so. I would have written it a little different. The first lines where just splendid, but then you became very minimalistic. I like minimalistic poetry, but... this was almost a bit too much.
    Maybe you could have another look at these lines:

    Baby died,
    Hospital crowded.

    Soldier heard & cried.


    I do not like these two sentences very much.

    "Your mother forced
    make you living on her back"

    I would have put *was* in front of forced and I would change the next line in: 'to make you live...' or 'to make her living...'. I am a bit confused here. Please have another look.

    All in all, I do like this poem. Very well done. Peace!
    Anna.

    PS. We do not have to pray in arabic. God will hear us in any language. I promise I will pray for peace though.


    • cafegroundzero gold member
      November 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      If I am not incorrect, I was limited to just a few words in this contest


      However, thank you for your thoughtful critique; I do appreciate your taking the time to read and consider how one expresses what is said.

      I do not think any one was saying that one had to pray in any particular language. But you are right.

      Thanks, Anna.

      JP Creighton


      • Anna Emkah
        November 25, 2007
        Edit | Reply

        You're incorrect!

        I don't know why you think that you are limited to a few WORDS. Read the Contest information again please. I said that everything was ok with me as long as the poems were not longer than 30 LINES!
        Anna.


  • abuyi
    November 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    jeezz..
    broken is my heart to what it heeds..
    war is menace to pain it feeds..
    no one knows what to do, some just follow some just order
    on some ones decision others suffer..

    sounds of war trembles one heart
    child from mother, mother from a child
    depart
    rain of pain anger n fear
    no sounds of humanity can reach
    to any ear

    broken is my herat so is others
    i can only spam your page
    as war will happen without a bother


    well written and best of luck in the contest



1 - 5 of 5