Close my eyes for me
So that i may rest
My tired soul
And be long forgotten
Hold my breath for me
So that I may breathe from inside
And let my thoughts run wild
Through my brain
Hide the moon from me
So that I may hide in darkness
And cry from pain and confusion
Without any light to disturb me
Offer me love
So that I may reject it
And at least I have
Myself to blame
For I am a tired soul
Tired of searching
For something unknown
Something that cannot be found
I'm tired of crying
Over a painful mistake
That has not been made
And never will be
For everything is wrong
Though nothing really is
Inside my brain
Is where my pain lies
A contest entry
- 1 hour contest - closes in 1 hour by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended November 24, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please dont use big words, i'm not as smart as i'd like to be.
Comments
-
Wow nice and amazing love the way you start out telling the reader what to do
-
Powerful
I can really relate to this and connect with this poem especially these lines:
"Hide the moon from me
So that I may hide in darkness
And cry from pain and confusion
Without any light to disturb me
Offer me love
So that I may reject it
And at least I have
Myself to blame
For I am a tired soul
Tired of searching
For something unknown
Something that cannot be found
I'm tired of crying
Over a painful mistake
That has not been made
And never will be"
You did a really good job with the flow with this and bring forth the pain and opening you heart great job...This is a Very powerful peice and look forward to reading more by you...Keep righting -
"Please write a poem about any kind of problem or injustice going on in the world."
And this is the best you could have done? A problem in your life?
"For I am a tired soul
Tired of searching
For something unknown
Something that cannot be found"
[Then why would it matter?]
I'm tired of crying
Over a painful mistake
That has not been made
And never will be
[Well, if you never made this mistake and never will, why are you crying? Makes no sense. This contradiction does nothing for your poem.]
For everything is wrong
Though nothing really is
Inside my brain
Is where my pain lies
[I don't see the connection between the first two lines of that stanza, and the last two.]
I would have liked a poem about real problems in the world.. not necessarily your world, because everything doesn't revolve around you.
I know, I am an asshole for being honest. Go ahead, IM me and say "you are an asshole" I get that a lot.
Unless you are actually one who can take criticism.
Who knows.
Anyway, good effort. Have a nice day.
Adding your comment:
