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A Whir, An Injustice For Many

Clouds of barren chances swim across
the shore line of laws to many broken myths.

Dishes of uneven porportions clatter
to the rhythmitic whir of the electric chair,

Innocent tears drown the mystic volume
for factual justice.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Zephyr Aryn
    January 25, 2008

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    I like the way you sculpt the language in this peice. it has a pretty good flow, too, as one reads. However, I am not entirely aware of the subject matter of this poem. Once I think it's something, it turns out that it may something else. However, I still like it as an interesting read.


  • ShelleyA gold member
    November 23, 2007

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    A good write. Nice metaphors. Good imagery, flow and tone. Nice depth of feeling. Good word choice. Nice alliteration. Best wishes in the contest. Mom


  • Tangled Angle
    November 23, 2007

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    I like the metaphors, but the images are so random and don't really make this a cohesive poem imagery/metaphor-wise. Besides that, this has a strong meaning and I did like this. Thanks for entering and good luck.