Shadows fall upon your pale agonizing face
As you slowly drifted into hell
From your bloody heart that discharges hate that could not be erased
That were diabolical in nature
Your heart slowly diminishes its beating
Due to the ruby encrusted sword cleaved within it
Inflicted by your soul mate you were cheating
Since she longer needed your love
She didn't care, she didn't feel
She never did compare
To what I would have done
For your soul I would ensnare
You wouldn't be able to move
You wouldn't be able to breath
Your limbs would be shattered
Just to make you scream
I would make the journey painful
And it would make you wish to die
For I would give you no mercy
Since you gave me no sweet goodbye
You tore my dreams
Ripped my heart to obliteration
And for that I died
Without any care or consideration
As I stood invisible to the eye
With your filthy blood dripping
Dripping all around you and on her face
While I took your soul which I was ripping
Her punishment for you was fast and painless
And you never seemed to notice
That I stood right next to you
Holding your indescribable broken bloody lotus
A contest entry
- Gory, Sexual, Fun Stuff by So Strange.
700 points, ended December 1, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Very Best by Lj-.
300 points, ended November 29, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Piss Me Off, Make Me Laugh, Poems that get bashed, etc. by twilight seduction.
1200 points, ended December 1, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatcha got now? by Southern Darling.
700 points, ended January 1, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - VERY best of dark by psychiatrists dream.
600 points, ended December 10, 2007, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let me see your darkest side by sociaL IntollErance.
400 points, ended January 9, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - experience by transit.
575 points, ended January 19, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CONTEST: The Most Horrifying Contest In All Existence! by Count Orlok.
300 points, ended February 17, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
tell me how i did plz.
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Clumsy in parts I felt. Not enough blood for my taste.
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wow!
there is so much intensity in this piece and the emotions are raw and clear- cut. I love how you make revenge seem so sweet.
The fourth stanza holds a lot of power and it was scarey.makes people think before they try anything funny.
I am not sure what bloody lotus is though but I liked this piece. best of wishes in the contest! 
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Thank you very much, i was kind in a murderous mood when i wrote this. The bloody lotus is the symbol for his heart....Thank's again!
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not to bad
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thank you
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great peom, thanks forentering and good luck!
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Thank you and your welcome
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"Inflicted by your soul mate you were mistreating" This line is confusing me to some note. I don't know quite what you are trying to say.
The tenses in the second verse can only be called confusing, need editing later on.
"Your journey would painful" Your journey would be painful? You can go ahead and fix just that if you edit. Nothing else.
The tenses seem to fix themselves in the last four verses, and the rhyming adds much to the flow of the writing.
I love the last line! Don't ever edit it, it is perfection among few on this earth -
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Thank you very much for the editing details i missed. It means alot to me that it is good other than the minor editing details. Thanks again!
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You know, I read this and I was thinking, "what a good break-up poem!" I mean, who doesn't feel murderous when the one we love doesn't say goodbye? In a way, I view this as a sort of dark love poem, as sort of 'if I can't have you, no one can," theme. Nice.
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Thank you, that wasn't my exact intent but that's good. I was in a very bad mood. But thank you.
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This was alright.
I couldn't really get into it.
Thank you for your entry,
Best of luck.
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thank you.
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Beautifully written. i like this piece well done.
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Thank you very much
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Wow this is really good. You can see some emotion in this write! It realed me in I didnt want to stop reading I look forward to reading some more of your poetry so keep writing
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Thank you very much, i will definently keep writing.
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Wow! This is very deep and compelling. Very well-worded. You did an amazing job with this. Good luck to you in the contest. I hope you win. With this poem, you should! I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Keep up the excellent work.
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Thank you!!!!!!
I'm glad it turned out very well, and thank you for the confidence. I had an ok Thanksgiving, thank you for asking. I will definetly keep up the work.
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Oh, this is so awesome! It's exactly how I feel at the moment too. The last part was my favorite. I wonder, did anything make you angry when you wrote this? <3
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Thanks!!!
Lol that's good Rosser, and no you didn't do anything to anger me to write this....lol..Thank's again
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