sleeping in the mud
what warm dreams enchant the frogs
on this snowy day?
Author notes
we had a snowstorm today
In a list
A contest entry
- if you're up to it by Axelle Black.
4900 points, ended December 10, 2007, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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standing in the crud
when green jeans excite the hogs
what did cloe say?
Thanks.
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in the end, your's makes about as much sense as my haiku does.
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I love the contrast you set up here; warm dreams, snowy day. Also I like the idea of sleeping in the mud which seems so uncomfortable and dirty contrasted against "warm dreams" which seem beautiful. Really well done play of imagery.
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What a thoughtful little poem, worrying about the frogs. funny how a few words sets the cogs turning. lol
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I just wondered if they wern't happier down in the muck than some of us on those bone-chilling days in the snow. It seems a great length to go to escape the winter...but I guess hopping down south isn't an option for them, Malmadre!
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Congratulations on getting the honorable mention for this! Nice to pass the time away by writing poetry during a snowstorm. I wonder how the frogs survived? THANKS!
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thank you,Pat.
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I could never get enough of your haikus. This is as lovely as the first time I read it. And I'm still reading the wren one.
Thank you so much for entering. 
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why a long speech when a word or two can wrap the show? nice!
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Seeking refuge in the mud, the option of frogs, pigs, and children. Too much fun.
Well written.
John -
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Ha!
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Deep write, interesting question. Good luck in the contest.
Thanks for your comment.
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Or you know what? Something that would sound really great would be: "Asleep in the mud". I learned recently that present participle words in poems aren't as strong as other tense verbs. But I don't know what you think about that. In any case, the more I read it, the more I enjoy it. That makes three comments. I should stop right there.
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you made three comments in the time I could type out one! thankye for the constructive critisism on verbs ,it is something i will bare in mind!
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Hey wait, I know why we both had a snowstorm now. We live in the same city. I'm so glad you entered! I always love your haikus you know. Even if I'm haiku illiterate. Next sunday, Jane and I are going to have dinner at the Cambodiana. 'Cause it's so good. And it's Asian! Have a good evening.
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We had a snowstorm today too. Like so mighty big I missed the city bus because it was 25 minutes late. Woo. So yes. I love snow. Hmmm... so I like this. The only thing I don't like and it happens to take up 1/14th of this poem is the word enchant. Either I just don't get the effect you're trying to make or it's just plain weak. So whatever. I'm haiku illiterate... stupid. But I like this. Except enchant. Thank you.
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The word is meant to be stumbled over...do frogs really have a secret dream world they escape to while we cope with reality? or...maybe my poem IS just lame...
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Well I definitely stumbled over it. And now I get it. That's all the explanation I needed. The word has its place right there in the poem. The poem that is NOT lame by the way. It's thoughtful.
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