Sometimes wondering misty morn
so reliably form and wander
from seas across mountains,
windy valleys snaking rivers
always to my window;
and covering cresting horizon
from rolling sunrise tiding
toward time’s arc and fall
waiting ‘til night, clear
unto west, a lonely star
in slow eternal dance
proud passions among strangers,
dawn smiles there
but not here;
in misty morn and fading moon
my wishes spent.
Graying glass silently shut.
While others pretend to feel the sun
and act as if warmth touches faces,
lips utter love and light;
but I see waiting windows
and the clock on the wall.
In a list
A contest entry
- if you're up to it by Axelle Black.
4900 points, ended December 10, 2007, 16 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Last Contest - Give Me Your Best by Nam.
7100 points, ended December 17, 2007, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
TIME is such an important element in this piece, both in your imagery and with this incredible sense of discontentment. I get the feeling that the passing of the day and night are witnessed, but never experienced as they should be by the speaker. He knows only sadness, or maybe a better word is 'EMPTINESS' for he is "spent." There is so much to see, and so much meaning to find, and yet the time ticking away seems to consume him. His moments are passing while he waits for something else. That's where my thoughts went anyway.
The mood here is so heavy. And though I have done so multiple times, it almost hurts to reread.
-
Just gorgeous, and you know it. Thank you so much for entering.
-
-
Thank you so much for a challenge and your kind words, i agree there were some wonderful poems here, thank you for the honor...PK
-
-
This is beautiful, I loved the nature imagery here, as used to enhance the melancholy mood. Excellent write, good luck in the contest!
-
Very nicely done my friend.... very strong words very well icorporate nature with a tone of love in some way, this piece remind me of flying..
...very nicely done 
-
"proud passions among strangers,
dawn smiles there
but not here;"
"Graying glass..."
and the last lines fit perfectly
I hate to say it, but
I kinda like this darker side of you. lol
-
Awesome poem, this one drew me in from line one. I can feel the awe and lonliness echoing through in these words. Fantastic. Good luck in the contest.
. Rewarded 4
-
"Graying glass silently shut.
While others pretend to feel the sun
and act as if warmth touches faces,
lips utter love and light;
but I see waiting windows
and the clock on the wall."
Sighhh...A poignant & honest telling of the tale, Poet. I know the sights you speak of...both the comforting light & the ache of shadows descending. Good luck in the contest. Wanda
-
Great write.I really enjoyed this piece.You are very talanted at what you write about.Hope to read more of your work.Your words envoked lonliness to my thoughts.A desire for something that I wisded I had but will probably never get.I like your use of this tiltle as to me you are looking into the windows of others feelings as well as your own.
. Rewarded 6
-
Those last two stanzas are quite strong. Great way to end. To be honest, however, this is not my type of poetry. Nature and all. Never was too fond of it. But I really think you've done fine with it. And I actually find this good. So well, I guess when a poet can manipulate those kinds of words prettily like that, something good can come out of it. Thank you.
-
"proud passions among strangers, dawn smiles there but not here" those were my favorite lines, an impressive array of how sometimes there is like a sensation of unbearable sound of silence or the deafining tick of the clock, like a mind trap and only a window in between, inside the window all the flavours of grey, outside all that warmth...pretty poignant!
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
