The storm broke at last
It shattered our lives
Destroyed all the dreams
I held in my heart
How could I cope
With all I was feeling
The shock and the pain
Just left me reeling
How could I face
Being forever apart
When I closed my eyes
Your face would appear
Preventing me letting
My mind drift away
All I ever wanted
Was for us to be flying
Instead I was forced
To watch you dying
In all my life
My very worst day
Since then I have lived
A life all alone
With only sweet memories
To keep my soul strong
On waking I miss you
As each day is calling
A thousand tears
From my weary eyes falling
For the end of love
Is the saddest song.
Author notes
The day my husband died was the end of love as it had been
A contest entry
- The End of..... by Anna Emkah.
600 points, ended December 4, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Excellent Writing
This really affected me. It hurt, but I could also imagine a little of all the wonderful life together that led up to it -- clearly that, since the loss was so painful.
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This is such a beautiful poem. The depth and sadness seeps from every word on the page. I wish you all the best for the contest and I am so sorry for your loss. You have gone through so much and all my thoughts and prayers go out to you.
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So, so sad.
I had tears in my eyes reading this.
'For the end of love is the saddest love song."
Sad,but true.
Good luck in the contest -
This is a beautiful poem of losing a beloved to death. I have a few remarks though. The contest asks for poems no longer than 30 lines. You could easily fix that for the second stanza could be deleted. At least, while reading it put my mind in the wrong direction. I thought that you were talking about losing a girlfriend here. You should read the poem once again without the second verse and you will notice that it makes the poem stronger! I would like you also to see once more to the last seven sentences of the poem. They are not in same flow as the lines before and also the words are less beautiful.
Finally a personal remark: Unlike 'Never Fall In Love' says, I don't think love will end some day. I think she has not understood your message, for despite death, the love for your spouce or dear friend will continue in your heart. I am sure about that!
Anna.
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Thank you for your kind comments Anna which I really appreciate. I read your suggestions carefully and hope it is alright to reply to them and also give some explanations?
I'm not really sure why you thought it was a girlfriend, but no, it was my beloved husband of 44 years. I read the second stanza again and wondered if it was because I hadn't made this clear that you thought so?
You may well be right about taking this stanza out to make the poem stronger, and also of course I made the error of having too many lines in my entry so if I can edit it before the contest closes, I will do that. Not sure yet of all the procedures as I am a new member. I joined in June but only recently became active, due to personal illness.
When I wrote this I was going over in my mind and heart the events on that day when Peter died and I had to come home alone after he passed away, leaving him in the hospital, so the second stanza is part of me writing down those events and my feelings as I remember them happening.
When I looked again at the last seven lines, you are absolutely right, they don't flow or follow the rhythm of the previous stanzas, so thank you so much for pointing this out to me. Again, I just wrote down my feelings and didn't pay sufficient attention to these mistakes.
You are right in that love doesn't end with death as I will always have many beautiful memories of Peter in my heart as a husband, a father, a soul mate and a lover, but in the reality of my daily life now, living in my home alone without him, that past life has ended and I struggle with loneliness.
Thank you again Anna for taking the time to comment so gently and honestly and I hope I haven't made my reply too long. It is good to talk with all the lovely people I have met here in the past few weeks.
korculablue
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Thank you for your explanations. I like it a lot when people start to discuss their poems with me. I rather know why things are written as they are. That might make me understand the poem and the writer (you) better and how you have intended it.
I am sorry that I said girlfriend instead of boyfriend or husband. You must know that all I have is a poem - no name. Sometimes I cannot read from the poem if a man or a woman has written it. Your name gave me the idea of a man... stupid me. This afternoon I had the same thing with an "...angel". I thought it was a woman, but it was a man! lol.
The second stanza is OK in this poem, but it does not give the extra neccesary information to the reader of your poem! In other words: I understand your poem very well without that stanza. Sometimes less words make a poem more direct and because of that better! NB. If you think it cannot do without the second stanza, because this is how you (!) personally felt this emotion, that's your personal choice! You are the writer of the poem; you have the right to do it as you like. I only give my personal opinion. You can do something with that or ignore it completely. Remember, you are the boss!
Oh I do know exactly what you mean. It is very hard to lose the man whom you have loved for so long. I do understand very well that you have a feeling that you have lost love, which makes you feel very lonely! Still I need to ask you to reconsider the things I have mentioned about your poem. Either you keep it this way or you change it... it is up to you! I will read the poem again before judging.
Anna.
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This is beautiful..
Love will always end no matter what you do - that's something I've learnt. The key is to be friends - well, things will get better!
All the best
Never ♥ -
Wow. This is such a beautiful and heartbreaking write.
I hope that things have since been better.
Best of luck in the contest.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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