small hands gather miniature suns
into broken bouquets on mangled stems
no
we were given twenty four minutes
twenty four minutes to hold
all the memories of his lifetime
everything he'll never do
dreams of should've
could've
would've been
ever the story of my life
now the epitaph of his
no yellow heads floating
in scratched tupperware cups
just a bloodied nightgown
to fold around one picture
of a family that will never be
a handful of rose petals
from the grandpa he'll never see
and a loathsome little angelbear
gifted by the hospital
his only toy
thus we wrapped his body
(ashes to ashes)
silvergray spheres sway in unmown grass
awaiting a breath never to blow
left with endless "i'm sorry"s
to cram back down well meaning throats
no we won't rip their vocal cords out today
sorry made the list of useless words
it's okay to say and we've been civilized
duty demands we listen and nod
until they go away
why do we care about
some day?some day
doesn't matter
our son is gone now
unheld unhugged
no smile to remember
not enough time to smile
underdeveloped lungs can't cry
but we still cry
because
he will never pick
broken bouquets of dandelions
Author notes
no commentary on god or his will please. constructive criticism welcome despite the emotionally charged topic. for the love of pete, just don't use "i'm sorry".
not quite a miscarriage but close enough perhaps for the purposes of this contest?
A contest entry
- broken wings and stolen dreams by Artistic-Soul.
450 points, ended December 2, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Miscarriage (prewrites welcome) by Danna Hobart.
460 points, ended February 22, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
Tears...
Yes, close enough, and over and above.
This is beautifully written. Thank you for entering. -
I smell gold. Maybe I shouldn't say that, particularly because I'm in this contest, too, but I felt your pain so vicerally. I don't think I conveyed that and if I did, not nearly so well. So well crafted,versed, conveyed.
Blessed be,
***Rae***
-
-
thankee for your kind words. from what i've experienced, there were two kinds of pain that went with it...the 'reach in and rip out your heart' immediate pain when it actually happened and then the 'death by a thousand paper cuts' pain every time we were reminded of something we'll never see him do. i tried to capture both...dandelions epitomized it for me particularly since he was 'born' at the end of march despite a july due date. i don't believe i'll ever be able to see the first dandelions spring up without thinking of him.
-
-
Every word of this rings true and I liked the way the poem was arranged. With each line I am forced to relive my own pain. I know exactly how you feel. A poignant write. Well done for penning this xxxx
-
WOW simply wow!!
I really liked this one because there is a great style, in addition to, the background goes perfectly with the font. And with suns and bouquets right from the start the reader is left with great images.
thank you.
-
Now that is a poem. Pure and from the heart, I can feel the pain that is being expressed through your writing. I love the theme of the dandelions because they work perfectly with the whole changing from a bright flower to the "silvery globes"...it mirrors the painful image of losing a child. I think the poem is perfect as is because it oozes honesty and is engaging from the first line.
-
left with ten thousand "i'm sorry"s
to cram back down well meaning throats
Well meaning or not...sorry never helps. There are no words to help the hurt go away; or even lesson in intensity. This is the most heartwrenching piece I've read in a long, long time. The meaning was powerpacked and the piece was tight and flowed well too. Very, very moving. I do hope that you find a rest when you come to terms with it.
-
An exceptional piece, filled with truthful words from a broken heart. There are no other words that I can say! Beautiful
-
all i've got is poems that are written on things- then i read this and i feel i've got nothing valid, worth while. but that's cos of my age. i'm a kid. but it's refreashing- it puts things into perspective- it makes me stop whining. it makes my mouth shut for a while and i go outside my head and into yours. what i imagine it'd feel like- it's far off from the true feelings. i like being outside my head- i like stopping being so selfish and dumb for a few moments when i can think about something that is so much bigger than me. this is beautiful.
-
I (knock on wood) have not lost a child, I have lost my husband though.
I am in no way attempting to compare the two or trying to convince you that I know how you feel because that's ridiculous.
It's an insult.
I do however know how absolutley infuriating and uncomfortably pathetic it is to hear "I'm sorry" over and over again.
It becomes a game in a way, where they say I'm sorry and you say what? It's okay? Don't worry about it?
You have written one of the most touching poems I have ever read!
I don't want to say good job or anything as cliche as that but you most definatley have created a very beautiful and heart wrenching write.
-
-
Somebody I knew but wasn't close to came up to me at my youngest brother's funeral (2001, 17 yrs, car accident) and told me she wasn't going to say "I'm sorry" because she knew how horrible it felt herself. Even though I didn't know her well, I'll always remember her as the one person who actually made that funeral bearable.
We didn't even hold one for our baby. Having all those people come up who didn't really know us and never had the chance to know him and having to deal with all the ridiculously stupid things they say because they don't know what else to say was just too much. Especially after experiencing it with my brother.
"I wish there was something I could do to help" with a hug seemed to be the better way of it. More honest. There isn't anything truly to be done about it except endure through but at least that phrasing mirrored the futility I felt. Made me feel a little less alone in my frustration and pain.
What was the most helpful thing somebody said to you?
-
-
beautifully emotional and powerfully sorrowful
it strikes a cord within the soul
it is incredibly heartfelt
i loved how you started by explaining the significance of the dandelions and then turniing it into the pain of a lost son your love and your pain come through in a powerful way and it brings me to tears
that last stanza was to me the highlight of the poem because that is really the whole center that the poem revolves around
so i must cry
because
he will never pick me
broken bouquets of dandelions
gorgeous lines
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
