commented on My Fantasy Friend
The reason I love my fantasy girl,
is because of her tension that is released when her clit is pleased,
her legs be trembling while my tongue is still wiggling,
she leaves explosions all in my face,
I pull her closer so I can get a better taste,
I'm lickin her all between her lips and know how to please her clit,
she needs to sit on my face and give me her load,
she does it beforeI release my load,
she can't explain why she can't stop cummin,
I guess the shit is just soooooooooo good,
she's feelin it all in her neck,
she's ridin and takin all that dick,
and she got that dick like she needed a bag of weed,
she finally stops teasin me,
but no hold on, she's controllin this shit,
this shit is so wild and so intense that I stop her action to try to take over,
while I watch you play with your clit,
lickin and suckin on my shit,
slowly lickin my head as you caress my family jewels,
knowing that I got that shit that stands thick and stout,
then you would make your way down to my crotch,
cause you know I get a rise,
you would play with my nipples,
take your tongue and lick from my ear to the baby fine hairs on my chest,
and because they are so soft,
you wanna kiss my lips.
Author notes
This was collaborated with KadafiethaExplicit1. He has been my true inspiration to write poetry. Thank you Explicit 1 your Absolut 1
In a list
A contest entry
- your personal best by indomitable.
600 points, ended July 7, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What am I to do?
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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A very powerful and explosive piece of erotica..loved it...DAMN HOT!!!
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oh my this is a old one. ty i try dear.
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It's such a lustfully tasty erotica that I'd love to kiss your lips....
which ones?
I won't tell you...
your conjecture....
Galaxy2 -
It's such a seductive piece!
I'd love to comment a dozen time..and even then I'd like to comment again....
What a LUSTFUL hottie!
You must be eaten, honey!
Kissessssssssss!
Galaxy2 -
of course my favorite part is when you got down to the
man pleasin part, yumm....
-kevin should get us some sexy emoticons.
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hmmm. this was good, i enjoyed it, but certainly think a few things could be tweaked. the obvious first:
"she does it beforeI release my load,"
you need a space between before and i. other than that the rest of my misgivings arent as clear. id say you use the word clit too often, and you use the word load at the end of two lines next to each other, which interrupts flow and distracts. there are also two lines where you use "this shit" at the end of one line, and the beginning of the next. this has the same effect, it distracts.
the main thing is to try and change up the words you use, i made all these critiques because this is a unique poem with a style i havent come across before, and particularly like. it reads like beat poetry or rap, with that strong inflection and raw words used. that, paired with erotica is a treat. thank you, this was good.
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Such fantasy play
it always cums true some way
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WOW!!! Are you sure this was a fantasy. Sounded so real to me. Excuse me, I gotta go cool off, or something.
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i lov this
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You're so shamelessly...but beautifully...erotic
...and lustful..
talking about eating her so wildly....
with her constantly flowing juices...
giving pleasure to you...
me...
and others...
Your fantasy girl is great...
but you're not less either, honey!....lol
Pure lust...
pure pleasure...
thank you, my love!...
for everything....
Kisses...all over!
Galaxy2
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You Are My Fantasy Come True
You just don't know what your words do to me. They encourage me to wanna write and that's what I did when I wrote this poem for you. Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
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An enjoyable piece of poetry, erotic and spellbinding, the heat has been turned right up to a 100, a good poem.
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man I LOVED this one!?
Very Erotic.... I wonder... But Nvm...
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Great job and thanks for the entry.
e
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man this is clownin! enjoying my visit to ur page so far.
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Woozer!!!This is some fantasy.
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Yall are like some
Hennesssey...up in here, damit!
I love this piece....by the Infamous Explicit1 and Absolut1..
from the Incredible1
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