I was too young
I had thought
to see a dead man.
But I guess I never
thought it through,
and now I wonder
how many empty eyes
I have seen
on TV
and behind podiums.
My memories dwell
usually on pretty things,
like the way his
eyelashes fall upon
his nose,
or how the sun
rises half way
like half of a
breakfast grapefruit.
But this morning
I grasp a dead man
lying on the sidewalk.
I imagine
it is only me
and the cement
that feels
this mans weight.
Author notes
Take a look at the picture, it's pretty
eye opening. I'm open for changes on this,
so please give me honest comments and critques!
peace to all ~flight
A contest entry
- rendezvous with a dead man and then some by vertigo beat.
1750 points, ended December 2, 2007, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honesty
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I just wanted to say that I absolutely loved this. You were my favourite
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thanks!
peace to all ~flight
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Actually I think this is fine the way it is.
Almost like a matter a fact feeling, like society has towards homeless and less fortunate people. I feel the emotion coming from it and that is a good thing.
one area needing attention is the ending. I think you meant [ feels ] instead of [ feel ].
but that ending is fantastic!
I imagine
it is only me
and the cement
that feel
this mans weight.
Becky
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Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed!
And yes I'll change that ending mistake, thanks
for catching it!
peace to all ~flight
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