When darkness fell
twelve years ago on Ive Walk's somber hill,
still
child I played on Ma Sy's grave;
while silent shadows sung
throughout the dell-
"She is no more"
and dared not tell
the little boy she'd ne'er return.
Her last words like charcoal-smoke
held no breath
no meaning to my ageless ear:
"yoe fada sleep whe the 90's dem
figet im dreams pon cowl freeze
saeka pride- pan im doowr..."
I remember now
the sweat against her brow
and how her wrinkled skin did sag
as she held my face
"yaw jus im pickney, no im ways"
and her eyes closed...
fingers draped across my head
and fell.
silent shadows
drew me from the bed
but I could hear- distant, behind the wall
"A fi yo the world Adrian...
a fi yo the world"
Author notes
whenever Ma sy, who was as close a grandma I've ever had spoke, she did so with dialect- patois (which is a mixture of English, African, French, spanish and other languages woven together.)
lines 13 to 15 reads in standard English
"your father slept away the 90's
left his dreams out in the cold
because pride knocked at his door".
line 20
"you're but his son, not his ways".
lines 27 to 28
"The world is yours Adrian
the world is yours".
pic prompt:
http://dibbi.deviantart.com/art/the-world-is-yours-40201837
A contest entry
- 40 entries. 40 image prompts. 1000 points. by Shantalina.
1000 points, ended December 9, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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:)
I remember now
the sweat against her brow
and how her wrinkled skin did sag
as she held my face
"yaw jus im pickney, no im ways"
i love the description there its so deep and real, like im seeing all of this from a distance.
and i love patois out loud. ive heard alot of poetry read out loud in it and i think it holds alot of deeper meaning.
beautiful write. this is definitely getting bookmarked
and you are definitely going on my favorites. i look forward to reading more.
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Liked the use of the dialect in these lines; interesting title. Good flow and interesting tale told in the poem.
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Magical!
You have delivered such a poignant yet wonderful, living piece of you in this magical poem. Each line is a delight to read - its words, whether yours or the patois of your Grandmother, bring to life the scene itself which is then energised further by your now more knowing reflection. You made me see and feel this in three dimensions – and that is the product of immense talent. Well done indeed!
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I love the Jamaican patois, and the contrast with my own language. I remember at school (a long time ago) being spoken to by the teacher in pidgin english. I think it was a description of a piano - something like: Big fella white teeth, gap black betweena white: you strikkka him, he dance. As a child, I was struck by the wonder of communication. And I still (on occasions) am. Well done.
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What a splendid piece this is... The patois is really well transcribed... if one reads it aloud it becomes immediately understandable...
And a grandmother - or grandmother figure in one's life is so very important, and is, I think being recognized again now, in spite of the sociologists who - a few years back - would like to have reduced us all to nuclear families.
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aj this is utterly superb! This is the first time I have seen Jamaican patois used on this site. I haven't heard it spoken since I lived in London. Fine poetry.
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There is so much beauty in these lines, it just overflows with emotion and a true spirit of love. Bravo on this brilliant write, this really touched my heart.
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wow.
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Wonderful tribute. Beautiful poem. Thanks for sharing.
One Love,
John
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Oh tbis is really beautiful. I love it! Thanks so much for the translation too. That really helped a lot.
I found this stirred very sad but tender wmotions in me.
A lovely piece indeed
Gaylene
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oh thank you
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This is a lovely snippet of history too. I believe language and dialects should be preserved, because even over here they are vanishing fast. I have always found Patois intriguing because of the latin base, that is part of its makes up.
I get a good sense of your Grandmas speech.
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I see you have garnered the favor of "shewolfnative" and THAT my friend is awesome!!! She has a cultural richness to her work that you too seem to posses for one so young... I love reading the both of you... I too have recently passed your name to another, one John Swails... If you don't know of each other already, hopefully you will soon become aquainted...
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Well, I'm so glad the pic I sent you inspired you to write something so incredibly beautiful! I can't even begin to express what this piece made me feel!
Thanks so much for taking the time to enter! -
This is such an incredible piece of expression you have penned here Adrian!!! A truly touching piece. Very well spoken, with a beautiful pain gently woven within. Poignant in an endearing and powerful way.
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Your vpice is absolutely stunning,,your ancient wisdom you ahve gahterd and wear as poetic voice is stunning. You are my new faovirte...and I shall pass your nickname along to poets I admire.
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Oh my,oh my dear poet,your poem,the imagery,emotion,the wisdom and the poignancy all touched me so.I read it with my eyes first and then had to read it aloud so that my ears could also appreciate each nuance.I felt all the heartbeats and bones breaking in this,thankyou for the author notes and for sharing such wise words spoken to you,the beautiful thing is that you cannot lose them when they are etched within your heart " A fi yo the world Adrian, a fi yo the world...
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thanks much for your wonderful comment Yvette
~aj~
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such a novel approach ...
to a most sensitive time for a child to fully understand. I loved the form, style and honest sharing of emotion(s) exhibited by your words through imagery and fact. Of course, your author notes were a help and yet I had not read them at first and must say that I really saw the scene as I read words I didn't understand. That says to me, good poem! Great sharing! joy
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This is a very interesting write. I am very glad that you included your author's comments. if had not I would have just given up on this peice of poetry and never gotten the message you were trying to get across.
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Brilliant!
Had not had the change to comment on your work and thought I would just stop by and return the favor. I am so glad I did. This is just brilliant. I have to say even tears come to my eye's, your love and emotion pours from the page. Even before you know what is said. Very well done. Thank you so much for sharing.
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thank you... this comment really made my evening
~aj~
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BEAUTIFUL
This is so beautiful. What an emotion you have put in your words. It gave me the shivers. I love this poem.
Very well done Adrian (?)
Anna.
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Thank you Anna, glad u liked it. Oh it is Adrian
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Bravo
This is an outstanding idium LO-AMO SALUTE!!!!!!! -
Grabbing
I normally pass over those I don't instantly understand. This however for some reason drew my attention. Simple in it's complicatedness I enjoyed this read very much.
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Grandiose!!!!
I agree with Keith. I love a good poem that keeps me tied and intrested the whole time and believe me I do come nack and read more!! Even though it was nice to hear the mixture of languages in the poem!! I'd have to admit. This poem probably means a lot to you an you did a slendid jod!! *appluads for thee more so*
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Never explain what you write.
For others to understand.
Without knowing the mystery of dialect keeps the readers interest to come back again and again.
To solve the mystery of the poet.
But in each line i felt and saw the love.That you will always remember.
Brilliant!
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pic sent
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