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I want to fall

Time takes as all,
like the pendulum
over the condemmed

The inclined drive,
to the wrong side
the maddness in their eyes

That makes mother's scream
and children cry
and why so many good men die

It is why your afraid,
to go out at night
also why the warrior
gives up the fight

And Why my soul is
such a unsightly sight,
I want to fall

Burn it all at a wims call,
"evil fool!" will ring
while cries sink in

I want to bask in shame,
a darker fame
I want to see a different frame,
a different kind of pain

I want my head to viewen in a basket,

a shallower kind of casket

I want to hated,

overly jaded

 

I want my human side,

to be faded

The purer side,

disapated

 

I want to fall

 






 

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Melissa Burns
    November 24, 2007

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    The first stanza that opened up this poem, was for me, one of the best parts Dark piece, but very good read!


  • Xx Luna xX
    November 24, 2007
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    Wow!!

    I loved it!!! Dark, awesome... Amazing job!!


  • QueenOftheJunglegym
    November 24, 2007

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    i liked this poem. pretty dark but good!

    "I want to bask in shame,
    a darker fame
    I want to see a different frame,
    a different kind of pain" <-- i really liked this stanza. the rhyme is brilliant and its a good choice of words. it really gets the reader thinking
    Though i didnt get the last line. it was effective but i thought of it as a little outplaced at first

    anyways, great poem@!


  • AlwaysbeBIG
    November 23, 2007

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    I liked this poem a lot. Your dark side really came out here, and it excelled.
    "I want my human side,
    to be faded
    The purer side,
    disapated

    I want to fall"

    Were my favorite lines. Very impressive.


  • Era Umbra
    November 23, 2007
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    Dark Write

    Well done! This write is very captivating, and I like the dark direction that is takes. There are a few spelling errors "viewen to viewed" and a few others just little things like that. No worries though your point was strong. I like the darker style you chose. Please check out a few of mine "Bloody Nails" is a darker one you might like. Again well done. well done.


  • Astral Flare
    November 23, 2007
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    Stunning!

    Wow! I don't think I've read a poem like this before...stunning! You've done a great job on this and I really enjoyed reading this. My only suggestion would be to run through this again and fix the couple grammatical errors in there (mainly capitalization). Hope that helps! Great work!
    -Tim


  • The Axe Shall Fall
    November 23, 2007
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    This is a stunning poem, there are some great images, and some lines that conjoure up some great images. "Burn it all at a wims call" and "I want my head to viewen in a basket," are my favourite lines in the poem! The only criticism i have is that there are a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes that need sorting out!
    Axe


  • basket-case-loser
    November 22, 2007

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    I've never read anything like this before I love the originality!It's nice to read something new and exciting for a chnage.Same as the comment below you used the wrong "their".(It's no big deal I do it all the time.)


  • Metaphorist
    November 22, 2007

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    Interesting. Though dark, I can relate to these sentiments. Flows well for the most part, only a couple lines that didn't work: "I want to see a different frame" and "I want my head to viewen in a basket". I don't know what you meant by that second one. Did you mean "viewing" maybe? Other than that and a few typos (line 3: "condemned", line 6: "madness" and "their"), this has some great imagery. Keep it up!

1 - 9 of 9