He looks into her eyes, and doesn’t say a word
As he traces her jaw line, kissing behind his trailing finger
Her soft moans of joy can be heard
As on her curves his lips linger
Hands explore with gentle passion
Soft and supple skin
Lips find each other in eager embrace
Fingers seek each other, as hands inter lace
A push, that familiar feeling
Of total whole body well being
Depths are sought with well learned motions
Forging the most basic of emotions
Passion spent, a moment’s pause after
And he cannot help but hold her
She lays her head down on his chest, feeling his heart beat
Fighting back love, no easy feat
When it feels like the heart is almost gone
Clothes are slowly, almost regretfully put back on,
‘He‘ll be home soon,’ she whispers
‘I know,’ he sadly answers
Author notes
Inspired write - at least my husband understands that writing comes from every where
Tasteful or tacky?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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sorry, I don't like this, as if you're playing with a made-up emotion and it shows.
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Sorry you didn't like - but hey - can't win 'em all
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I like it
you make it easy to see the actions behind the words like it was happing before me.
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Beautiful
Wow this is really good! Very descriptive and so real although that sense of passion is quite rare. The flow is great and you created a very wonderful picture for your readers.
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Well done!
I really enjoyed reading this! well done... You create a pure sence of passion and this is rarely achieved. Brilliant poem!
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This is a great write. A little sad at the end and I could feel where it was going. Keep up the good work.
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tasteful
I loved the beginning. It was almost as if I was the girl, I could just imagine it all. Lines 19 and 20 were a little awkward, and could have been written better, just like tabbiKat18 said... But it is really good, and it is a fantastic piece! -
Well, you have sensual. I get the feeling of prose more than poetry from this. A few of the lines feel forced: "Fighting back love, no easy feat" and "Of total whole body well being".
Your rhyming scheme is all over the grid. You begin abab, then none, then couplets, then again none. This would read better if it was consistent, or just non-rhyming.
Overall, not bad, but I think it could be better.
Thank you for sharing.
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tasteful
yeah i like it! it was incredibly sexy in the beginning, then aw it got sweet.... i think the last 2 lines could be written better , honestly, but overall it adds that secretive feeling that comes as a nice surprise.... yep
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You know, I am not really happy with the last two lines either. I was glad someone said something b/c other wise I would've dismissed it as being paranoid. I am searching for just the right thing to say along the same lines to wrap it up a little better. Anyways, thanks for the honesty
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wow great write and very emotion filled i was there the whole poem through and could see it in my mind...well done
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Very tasteful
This is clean and polished. Loved it.
"When it feels like the heart is almost gone." I could almost feel that.
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