we did not know age
nor silence
among us;
while my breath fell
paler than the white
of your hair
Author notes
senior love - I just read this month's RD of oldage sex . . .
A contest entry
- Prompt up by Lavender Butterfly.
450 points, ended November 23, 2007, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my quickies or snippets by leander.
400 points, ended December 4, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please give some honest and constructive criticism -
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Again you have shown some very beautiful imagery with a few words you've used. great write again!
Thanks for this entry as well!
Leander -
Amazing imagery shown within few words. You've said it all and we can see the detail and expansion within our own thoughts. Thanks ever so much for sharing this... x Love and light, ButterflySecrets.
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This is lovely!
~ Nicolette
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A great start! I see a lot of
potential in this piece, let me know
if you expand on it! Reminds of a piece
I wrote except based on grandpas aha
peace to all ~flight
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If you want to expand this, that is a matter of personal taste, but there's nothing I love more in poetry than such beautiful images shown in just a few words. I like how this poem makes me think about so many things, though mostly of the fragility of old age and love... how we grow old with the special people in our lives and the way we worry for them. I may be wrong, but even for only the images and my personal feelings reading this poem, it was well worth it.
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