There is a faery that rest on my sugar bowl
With wings a honey color and shiny
She dips her little fingers to get a pinch
She is just as sweet and tiny
I call her my little toothache
She just gets right under the nerve
Sometimes I just want to swat her away
As one might get to observe
Although I might get lonely without her
I let her stick around
She is just a faery with a sweet tooth
Because I am the one with the crown
A contest entry
- Your very best. by islekine.
600 points, ended November 24, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Amid the Myth (2) ~ "Innocent" Smiles by x Gemini x.
300 points, ended December 6, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Thank you for entering my contest.
hm....its cute, original...but confusing. There's some clarifications I think that would make this piece an easier read...I mean, I understood what you said, but I had to read it twice. "She" is a bit repetitive, and makes the writing more simplistic then some of your vocabulary allows, setting some awkward sentences, and disrupting flow.
Like I said, its original, cute, but like all works- needs work.
Good job
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This is cute....
You have a few typos....
Write on!
*PEACE*
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Guilty
LOL.
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