You want to feel better?
A little better, a lot better, better than...who, better than what?
For how long? A moment, forever, in between?
When? Now, tomorrow, soon, later, just once, always?
Is it out there, that better feeling..., you think?
Where is it? In the wrap of some arms or legs In the folds of a wallet?
In drugs In music In booze In sharp edges In a hangman's knot?
In the voice of a child In the pews of a place?
In sticking your finger down your throat, after you eat?
In a needle transporting a dream into you head via a vein?
In the words of a friend In the scribbles of a poet?
In L A or NYC or Tibet - In possible or impossible?
In an office on a couch once a week for a decade or for forever ?
Will the world change for you, just for you, just to make you feel better?
Or
Is it that "feel better" is not outside? Outside your door, outside your mind?
Could it be that that feel better feeling is right where it always is:
Hiding, waiting, engine running, bright lights on, horn honking,
but stuck in the yet to be discovered, beautiful, unsought, unseen,
unreached, unconquered, never climbed gold waiting silver laden mountain tops
existing in the putrid barren hellfire deserts hiding the bypassed paths
to the untouched untapped courage that dwells awaiting somewhere
in your current rutty ("Oh woe-woe woe woe woe - is me-me me me me”) mind?
Author notes
A contest entry
- Make Me Feel Again by californiagirl.
800 points, ended March 13, 2008, 24 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspiration/Inspire me by Jenny84.
700 points, ended October 15, 2008, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 31 Quote Promts to Choose From - Please Make Yourself Heard by Shantti.
1100 points, ended January 20, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Stop the Bleeding in my Heart by fairytalelovestory.
485 points, ended January 22, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Stress (prewrites welcome) by Danna Hobart.
400 points, ended February 12, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tragedy, Reality or Satire? by Judith Chandler.
650 points, ended June 29, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - eating disorder by anawarfare.
400 points, ended July 28, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hard cases and inhumane hearts by SoulfulBubbles.
400 points, ended September 8, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Second Annual September is Suicide Awerness and Pervention Month by FallenFromGrace1102.
550 points, ended October 14, 40 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites contest!!!!!!!!!!!! enter!!!!! by foreveryourslove.
1120 points, ended November 9, 1070 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Can you cheer me up? by Forgotten Lilith.
406 points, ended November 7, 90 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Anything and everything by bunnyslasher157.
900 points, ended November 11, 102 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A little spark of hope in a cloud of dispair by alone4ever.
700 points, ends December 4, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - I Know by lie.
400 points, ends December 4, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 68 of 68
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She wants to feel better than she does right now.
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This piece is nicely structured, and presented. But it lacks creativity. It has an interesting twist towards the end, a bit, but there's nothing in this piece that I haven't seen separately in other pieces. The theme, the vocabulary, etc.
Or maybe it's just that I'm irritated because in order to make a comment on the piece, I had to scroll past on the contests you entered to just say something. You might want to clean that up a bit. If you have no other poem you're so proud of, I would maybe suggest writing something else. Anyway, back to the piece:
I like the onomatopoeia alternative right at the end. Makes it seem like the chugging of a freight train hauling too much steel to or from the yard.
I don't know. There's nothing that I don't like about this, it's just.. seems to me to take more an accusatory stance on the way everyone feels sometimes. There's really no emotion emitted here, that I can tell. Thank you for entering though.
It fits the prompt well. -
I really like this.. it is different... I have many ramblings like this but i have never even thought of putting them to a poem. is this a rambling to urself? someone you knew? or no one in particular? my fav part is the beginging
You want to feel better?
A little better, a lot better, better than...who, better than what?
For how long? A moment, forever, in between?
When? Now, tomorrow, soon, later, just once, always?
Is it out there, that better feeling..., you think?
Where is it
it is exquiste i love it good job -
I love this, you ask a lot of questions throughout your poem that really made me sit back and think, which isnt easy to do. this is an amazing poem
Thanks for entering my contest
always keep writing
xoxo -
"Where is it? In the wrap of some arms or legs In the folds of a wallet?"
That is the line that pulled me in.
And then, the ending made my eyes water. So true, so true, so beautiful and hard to see.
This is fantastic and inspirational. Thanks so much for your entry,
K-J -
Totally blew my mind..
Such a great poem and no wonder all those awards
Its moving, its fun, its sad its brilliant
best wishes
Julie
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this is mind boggling thanks for the entery
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wow!! Thanks for giving me the change to win this award winning piece. I love the thought you put into this and congratulations on all the wins. thanks for the entry.
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yes from me.
i dont know why.
but i liked this. (: -
Outstanding write, keep up the beautiful work, i wish you the best of luck in my contest and thank you for submitting this piece. I really thought this was interestingly clever. there was just something about this that hmm drew me and and kept me there. I really liked the lines:
"Where is it? In the wrap of some arms or legs In the folds of a wallet?"
and
"Hiding, waiting, engine running, bright lights on, horn honking,
but stuck in the yet to be discovered, beautiful, unsought, unseen,
unreached, unconquered, never climbed gold waiting silver laden mountain tops
existing in the putrid barren hellfire deserts hiding the bypassed paths
to the untouched untapped courage that dwells awaiting somewhere
in your current rutty ("Oh woe-woe woe woe woe - is me-me me me me”
mind?"
spread the awerness.
*~*bee*~* -
This is a beautiful piece of writing here. When I read it the word just rolled right off of my tongue. I really liked this poem...Thank you so very much for taking the time to enter my contest and good luck to you !!!
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Interesting poem! I like how it's different than most poems in the fact of the idea behind it and how it's written. Keep up the good work and thanks for entering my contest
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thanks for your entry Ill swear though you enter the piece in every contest I have ever posted LOL. but it is a rather enjoyable pice though dont get me wrong I deffinatly remember it. best of luck to you in this contest and in the future.
andi
(redhanded)
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Please Follow the Rules.
This piece was truly different. I love the concept in this piece. The flow was very easy to follow. Great job. Thank you for the entry.
Perpetual Night -
I really enjoyed reading this, and like another commenter has said I like the fact that is more of a train of thought! LOVED IT!!
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I like how this seems more like a long train of thoughts, and some of the questions you ask are ones that I think about every day. great write.
goodluck and thanks for entering
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Enjoyed your write with the runon lines that are like an overly busy mind.
Thanks for entering my contest and thank you for the link to the Greek poems and translations. -
nice poem... very interesting concept.. i love it. thanks for entering...
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This is really good. I'm not completely sure if it's what I need, but I'll let it slide. Nice work. Keep it up. Congrats on all your trophie and best of luck in the open contests. Thanks for entering.
TwiztidMaggot -
This is a beautiful poem, it's very well-written. Though I sometimes got confused, it made a lot of sense to me. My favorite lines were:
In the voice of a child In the pews of a place?
In sticking your finger down your throat, after you eat?
I guess it really got to me.
Congrats for all the other trophies, and thanks for entering!
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On occasion, you come across a piece that while not a poem in the traditional since, is a poem in sheer wording alone. This is one of those pieces. To be truthful, when I started reading I wasn't too sure, but by the end I enjoyed it. I especially liked the stanza/section beginning with the question "Where is it?"
So many good lines and ideas, it really is hard to pick a favorite. The ending "woe is me" part had me grinning. Good write and best of luck in the contest.
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what kind of self harm is this? its very good but im just curious?
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Thanks for entering.
Hmm, not quite what I was looking for but good nevertheless.
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when I first read the beginning to this, i thought it was a little confusing but I kept reading anyway, and i'm so glad I did. You have some very good lines in there, and it really got my mind going, to read this;
Wondeful job -
You went there...fantastic...thanks for this entry
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Certainly worthy of all those trophies. this was definitely an inspiring piece of writing wtih many messages and questions. well done. Emmyb
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You have portrayed the quote better than most. I love the questions you have provoked. Happiness means something different to everyone, and you have clearly shown just that. It made me stop and think... what makes me happy? This has given me a lot to think about. Good luck
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This is an interesting write... like the way you used words in this one... life what is feel better and is feel better outside... Life is definitely a point of view... what you want is not definitely what the patient wants. I too think that sometimes we in rehab don't take into account that this 95 year old woman wasn't walking years before they got to rehab... and what makes you think that now we can get them to do it.
Good write. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into my contest. -
Hi. Thanks for entering the contest. I like this a lot. But I'm afraid I have to disqualify it. My guidelines stated that I only wanted poetry that hasn't previously won any trophies, and this has won several (rightfully so). If you want to enter something else, new or old, please feel free to do so. ;-)
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this was actually really good, i liked it alot. keep up all the great work and keep on writting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Intended to be harsh
Well, that made me feel all right. Angry, like I had been slapped in the face. I understand the need for this sometimes.
Yet, for me right now... I want to answer defensively, to tell you that I already know the answers to such questions (and in much more depth than the average person), to ask you if you understand the nature of my suffering (which I, of course, want to insist you do not).
Thank you for the courage to submit this piece in my contest.
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sorry to take so long in replying
you stated "I want...to ask you if you understand the nature of my suffering (which I, of course, want to insist you do not)."
Well let's see - I had polio when I as five and have many muscles that don't work, Have an appendage that is 3 inches too short, have dyslexia bad, got everything I owned and alot I wrote completely wiped out by Katrina, and a lot of other stuff and have found that the poorer I get the more I love life and that the less I have the freer I feel and the state I am was will be in, be it painful or pleasureful, alone or with, joyous or sad, is solely my life and of that I find each second precious and worthy of my appreciation and deserving of my willingness to keep trodding onward towards the occasional gems I always find. best wishes to you - billpoet -
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Thanks for your considered reply, billpoet. I see you do understand, from the inside. My details are different, of course, yet I see the same kind of experience.
In my comment, I had not meant to literally challenge you, I was expressing my emotional response from the place I was at the time I read your piece. I am in a different place today, and therefore have a different response. Still, in this contest I asked to feel, and this poem mostly makes me think.
Thank you again for your entry. I will look forward to reading more of your writes, as I think you will express uncommon insights into the human condition. Best wishes to you as well.
Namaste'
BearWoman
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Tough love tells the truth.
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Beautiful. Congrats on all your wins. Beautiful work. I like it.
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Congrats on all the previous wins! This is certainly thought provoking and emotionally moving!
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this is great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Wow lots of questions but fits perfectly
thanks for the entry -
A very powerful write, it sounds like there is a lot of anger there at someone. I'm glad you entered so that i had the chance to read this, but it doesn't fit in with the theme of my contest. Best wishes
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intresting concept here. i lke what you have done. its an intellegent write. all the best in the contest. emmy
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Your poem has some interesting questions.
I like the words of imagery used to describe in your poem.
Over all it is a good poem.
Thank you for your entry.
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I guess this would go under the option of depression. It's a great poem, I was a little confused when I read the first part though. I guess that was because I just woke up. Great write. You're on the preliminary finalists.
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest. -
Really enjoyed this piece. It content a lot of true. Look inside of yourself. Good point.
Nicely done. It did make me smile. -
Awww this makes me feel so sad. I can definately relate to this one sweetie, so raw. I love that songf.
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wow so confusingly written which in turn makes the effect all the more powerful.
Thank you for entering my contest and best of luck to you.
Dani. -
good poem and good luck!
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I actually like this. its a different style then im used to but it gets the message across.
nicely done -
Wow, this was really great! I love the style of it.
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This is one of the best entries I have read so far. Thank you very much for entering my contest.
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Well done! I really like this - however, it has many (well-deserved) trophies on it. Could you please enter something else that has no trophies - in fairness to others who enter this....
thanks
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this is an amazing poem. not 100% what i was looking fo rbut i like it .
tahnks for the entry
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This is a good write. I loved the intensity shown in the poem. Very powerful emotions, and I love how you asked the questions through out the poem. Great write, and thank you for entering my contest.
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this is intensely powerful, and I have a lot of respect for poets who ask questions, especially in depth questions that encourage people to think. It also creates the crushing feeling of confusion after a traumatic life event that many people feel, having to re-find themselves. I also enjoyed the repetition at the end.
it speaks to me because i often feel that we live in an age where nothing is certain and people just copy what they think will help them, rather than find their own solutions.
my only suggestion would be to try and actually rephrase the questions so that they still raise a question, but aren't presented in a questions form... to encourage the reader to ask some of their own questions.
it's only a thought and probably not on your agenda of what you want to acheive with this poem.
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Wow, this is awesome!
Unique style, with powerful meaning.
Thank you for entering
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Wow. I couldn't stop reading it. It's a terrific write. Thanks for entering and good luck with the contest!
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This one indeed is very frantic, but I like that about it, the desperation comes out loud and clear. Love the questions being asked in such a rush of a way.
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I relate to this so much right now. I can't even answer those questions, because that is exactly what I'm searching for. That 'better feeling.'
Thanks so much entering.
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wow
yeah this poem makes me think for sure. It's a great write.
-allie -
thanks so much for your entry I enjoyed it and all these questions in this poem are kinda what im thinking about right now so I completly understand it. thanks again for your entry
and best of luck to you in the future and with your writing.
andi
(redhanded) -
wow I really liked the way you did this I felt you did a great job thanky you
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It kind of made me feel like you were judging me. Like if I was just naturally ok, then I should settle and let the world be not askling for help, becuase I'm self centered. It's full of questions, and well it is beautifully written and great piece of work it makes me feel accused
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Too Too Too many questions
It makes me thingk too much lol
thanks for entering -
I also believe that happiness is in yourself. Yet sometimes we still loose sight of what it is that make / made us happy. just like anyone has their ups and downs... This is such a beautiful piece. Thank you very much for entering the contest! Becks
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very interesting peice
i like the take on how to examine yourself
you had an effective use of questions
thank you for entering!!
**kat -
Good advice. Externals may start are feelings but it's our choice from that point. It is in our mind. What we think becomes what we feel.
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This surprised me. I really liked it. It made me stop and examine myself in an attempt to figure out what my own "better" is. It's a very intruiging piece. Thanks so much for your entry and good luck!
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thought provoking i want to feel rather than do - feel free enough to be spontaneous so this fitted the mood and is a very hopeful write enjoyed the read thank you for entering my contest elaine :f
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Wonderful!
How about bliss for infinity?
Jane
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