Thank you!!!
For you made me stand before the reality
Where all those fake promises flaking off
Like those snowfall (outside the window).
This soul is not going to call your name anymore
There’s something called breath.. that you stopped,
No more sadness is going to be penned,
No more! nothing to do with my hopes
take away the territory, I served for you so long.
Struggles,tears,joys and sorrows
all have to be banned..
I have to walk on a road where no permission to look back.
In those lovely albums, only you are allowed to smile.
I am no where, I am no more.
Author notes
"A Weeping Sun", Romily
"I have compared the narrator of the poem as a Sun that is loosing it glow and reason to be alive, as the beloved one of her is leaving. So all the memories fade away and in the poem there’s a deep sigh, a lament for love, and an extreme heartache. Throughout the poem I wanted to show a weeping face of a girl. And the girl symbolizes a sun. "
A contest entry
- Tell Me About Her (Pic Insp) by Girl With Guitar.
800 points, ended December 19, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Weeping Sun by Legion.As.One.
650 points, ended July 25, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This is a great poem, fantastic job. I can really see the message you're trying to get across here. Good luck in the comp!
(could you put how this poem relates to the title "A weeping sun", as that is what I asked as part of the competition)
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thank you so much for your comment.
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The final line nailed this beautiful write, great job, enjoyed it, Lib x x
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Thanks
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I love this take on the picture. Beautifully done, it took me a short while to figure out exactly how it fits the picture but I believe I've got it. Thank you for the entry.
♥
Bandaid. -
THIS WORLD IS REALLY TOO MUCH WITH ME.
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Awesome
this is such a touchy one siv....you brought tears dosto and that is really success of a poet. I loved the third stanza and last lines seem jusr my feelings...
"Something surely has to be stopped
Something surely..
But I don't know what!
This world is too much with me. "
These lines are too good to read because I can relate.....Good job dosto.
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thanks.
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Outstanding!
Siv this is outstanding....your words really made me feel something.....it's passionate pain, too much to bear.
Still now, when I want to hold someone
I remember you and your shoulder
It’s a shame.
when I am still inhaling your name in me and me.
Those were my favourite lines from your marvellous poem. Well done.
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Thank you
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Good
A very good poem indeed from the depthhs of your heart as always. I tasted the sweetness of the love that plays hide and seeek through your poem...A nice read indeed
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