Seventeen she's lonely
And her life is going down hill
A pretty young thing
But last on shelf
She's bored nothing to do
Her friends for years
Start settling down
With boyfriends jobs away
But little she's left on her own
In same old plain County
She makes a vow
To get out there
To see what she must do
To change her ways
See what men want
And play a dangerous game
She'll dress right up
And play the tart
To tease them till they want
To take her home and comfort her
To change her life at once
So short black dress
To squeeze within
Her woman's shapely form
Three inch heels to shape her legs
All give that sex appeal
A little make up
Then to call a taxi into town
She walks with crowd in wine bar
Begins to move around
Over to the bar itself
Couple of shots she downs
The disco lights they beckon her
The dance floor's where she heads
One by one men spot her
Want her in their bed
They swarm till she is dizzy
Trips, into the arms of one
In embarrassed chat this hussy
Has en-captured her first one
Thinking hey I've done it
My party life's begun
They leave together
Back to his
It's clean stark tidy form
Just like its handsome owner
Dark mysterious and warm
He puts on modern music
And gently lets it play
Then moves her till their
Up to dance again
Their merry beats
Drinking dancing swaying
He inclines his mouth to hers
Then as he presses harder
His hips begin to stress
Hard against her wantonly
He teases her as she's undressed
His own clothes removed
In one quick swoop
In case she change her mind
He's no intention of her letting her go
He's things now on his mind
Yet no suggestion
Does he have
Of table turned around
Did he not know
That without protection
Pregnancy was bound
That this was mere entrapment
Of need so set in stone
Of need to have own company
Of need to have her own
He moves to her in needy ways
A man filled with desire
For one quick night
Of fun, strings unattached
Quick dip
The deed then done
Move her on and take another
On his bed post notch
Each time he gets to bet a girl
And satisfy his crotch
He takes her
As he cups her breast
He hears her body groan
As teasing trailing fingers
Trace out every single bone
He satisfies her as she does him
With lips and hands until
With lustful grins
Their bodies still
With care he takes virgin
She squeals and screams her joys of pain
As quickly he's within
And bodies heat as motion peaks
They twist and turn their sin
You hear the slap of thighs
The shrieks and groans
As he holds back
Then as she seeks
To take her thrill
He empties out his sacks
Nine months on together
She has a babe in arms
But life is not
As she did want
With love
In another's arms
For baby came that was not planned
And though they are as one
All is not quite as it seems
He's angry is her man
Behind closed doors
She's miserable
She tends to babies cries
And in-between she tends to him
Who beats her when she tires
He has two personalities
You see loving gentle one
But when he gets
Her on his own
He turns to a demon
No one sees
And no one knows
And if she tries to run
With babe in arms
He drags her back
A life like this no fun
She waits till he's at work one day
She's had to make a plan
Escape they go to refuge
Where cannot come to harm
So there's moral
In my words here
Not all is as it seems
There's truth now hear I pray
That all you lonely teenagers
Will find some other way
Be warned and be more careful
Than what I have said and done
Learn about each other first
Its more than just 'bout fun
A contest entry
- The Next Big Thing by Nicole Hanna.
18000 points, ended December 20, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Experience That Changed You by loveyourfate.
900 points, ended December 30, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Thanks for your entry. I like the way you formed the poem, and you have a great way with rhyme. However, I do think your poem could have been much more if you had improved the imagery. And perhaps a little more poetic device. All the same, I did enjoy reading it . Thanks again.
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Hmmm... what to say.... I don't think it's appropriate to try to fit the entire life of a person in a single poem. I don't think a single poem could do such a lofty subject matter any justice at all. Here, there's a great deal of story-telling, but no imagery to support it and SHOW me what you're trying to express. I found myself getting a little tired half-way through and, admittedly, skimming through the rest. Writing poetry with morals so blatantly expressed at the end make me feel like I've just been spoon-fed someone elses morality because mine isn't good enough. lol. Needless to say, makes me squirm a little. With some editing and more imagery, this could be strong, because the emotion integrity is very much in tact. Thanks for entering.
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Thank you for time taken to review/comment my piece. This piece did not set out as wanting to be lengthy but covering 9 months in less would not have pulled what I wanted from it. Difficult to give imagery for what is as much mental abuse and physical and not all these situations are black eyes punched teeth ets some men actually methodically scheme and plan what they are going to do to bring suffering. 9 months are not a life time to cover in poetry but is deliberately written to feel as such as part of package that lifetime of responsibility comes from lesser moments. It is difficult to find new ways to continually reach todays youth and any moral lessons taught may just press that button and help them to stop and think! Imagery, I agree at times I fall short and may decide to return to this at some point or simply learn from it. Thank you for sharing your views and thoughts!
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You make a strong point. I'm re-reading this now with your statements in mind. The length makes sense in regards to promoting a feeling of eternity for the characters protrayed here. I was too quick to judge.
And thank YOU for being so gracious!
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OH shit, wow, um this piece is hard and enlightning, it points out so much in the truths it spills, it was honestly a great write, the words made up for the lack of rhyme scheme (I'm a stickler for a solid rythme) I went through this and I couldn't stop reading it, I had o know what would happen
Way to pull in the audience!!!
~Katie
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have read again ,,its quite sensual on the surface,,almost exciting. it reminds me of the film Poor Cow starring Carol White, but the social issues are wuite tragic,,its great xx
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this is a powerful write which holds so much within it. the emotions and imagery is deep. well done and best of luck
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A poem thats written as if its a song.
A lesson that my friend learned the hard way. Thank you for the inspirational write. Your words ran together as if like a song. I'll be sure and send this to her. I know she'll appreciate it.
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I enjoyed reading this poem - I like it when people are not afraid to write something with a bit of length to it
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this is quite an epic ,,a serious warning as well very well done again xx hug
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wow very nicely written, and a lot of truth to mosdt women I fear. well done and very best of luck dear friend xxx
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Too right.
Bloody good, I like the fun into reality element,
your writing is readable.
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