Self-Distructive

Self destructive inside and out
Sometimes I wonder what it's all about
This long road of sadness, drowsiness, and deceit
Sometimes feels like empty dreams
Just like the long silences in our sleep
Waking up to empty tears
Of long lost memories
The memorized thoughts
We don't speak
Like how to get to work
And the neverland you seek
Like never ending smiles
And the secrets that we keep
Like the consistent pain
Of spurs in our feet
Prayed so long for what I wanted
And it's exactly what I got
And yet it still seems like
There was something I forgot
Something I didn't mention
Something small that
Didn't get my attention
Like laughter from the soul
And smiles instead of tears
Waited all my life
To be over run with fears
And yet again
I am filled with self doubt
Afraid I might miss something
Or be left out
And yet again I am
Self destructive inside and out
A never ending cycle
Of self pity and self doubt
Full of broken hopes
And broken dreams
Open your eyes
Nothing is what it seems