I dance in sun where angels prance,
and kneel before their dazzling beauty.
Deep in prayer--they show their love
I'm safe inside this foreign realm.
Alas i find it's just a dream,
i'm wakened, weak from shedding pain.
In a ball i'm wracked with sobs,
these visions screaming through my brain.
I wish to dance to lullabyes and
skip to rhymes a child loves.
I wish to laugh with innocense but
sometimes children have to pay.
I see his rage and feel his hate,
my razor knows my agony.
Demons mutilate my heart and
hold me deep in solitude.
He screams and yells, he hates us all,
my mother cries and loves him still.
Violence seethes beneath his build,
destroying trust i held so dear.
In the dark--don't make a sound,
rocking steady back and forth.
In my bed i pray to God
begging him to end my life.
Then late at night, the monster comes
his hands have scarred me, chilled to bone.
I sob and cry through crystal falls--
molested life he's broken down.
He stares intently at my breasts whilst
telling mom he's helping me;
She says he's not a twisted fuck,
he's trying hard to compliment.
Behind her back--she doesn't know how
he stares and things he says.
His hands begin to slightly wander
he knows he'll get away with it.
Alas i feel i'm done with life,
i can't remember happiness.
Now i wish to turn the tides
and murder dreams of loving peace.
A suicidal desperation
screaming silence beckons me.
Slicing deep into my skin and
draining hurt in crimson sin.
I watch the blood arch down my arms
and wish to soar with whitened wings.
Parting flesh to break this cage
to let me know i'm still alive.
Eggshells pad the crushing blows
my hands cover my pounding ears.
I lose myself in mournful gloom
with dimming hope of blessedness.
Late at night i hear the screams,
he's drunk again, i shake in fear.
I listen to their raging fight and
hear a thud and wracking sobs.
"Please, dear God, don't let her die,
keep her safe in Your embrace.
I beg of you just make this stop,
take my life and set me free."
I chase myself from sanity and
hollow out my loving soul.
This pressure here is just to much
and crushes me beneath it's weight.
I wrap my arms around myself and
whither like a scarlet rose.
A child cries from deep inside
the aching ashes of my heart.
I wish to die and leave this pain,
a knife pressed hard against my throat.
Slice my wrists, i'll fade away but
mommy needs me here to stay.
So i crawl into my bed and
say my prayers of sorrowed hope.
The covers pulled above my head,
let's dream of peace to end the hurt.
Author notes
First off, this man was in my life since i was a child and he was pretty abusive physically and emotionally to me, my mom and my brother. He was also sexually.....awkward.....towards me as well. Mom FINALLY left him about 6 months ago because she found out he was out fuckin a 17 year old. When the girl was finally of age, he told mom and then they broke up. He is now living and sleeping with this 18 year old. So, i'm no longer going through this trauma and no one else in my household is as well.....at this moment, i'm struggling through the healing process...I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT SUICIDAL OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.......(and those of you who read this and know my brother, PLEASE.....WHATEVER YOU DO.....DO NOT TELL HIM ABOUT THIS OR EVEN MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT GEORGE TO HIM......THANKYOU)
x-Rain-x: options 1,3, and 9
A contest entry
- ♥ Pain ♥ by Atrophya.
600 points, ended December 29, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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wow, thats some crazy shit. great poem.
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I get ya
my cousin was like that when he stayed over drunk at my house but luckily im medicated now. im sorry you kno what it feels like. thats not a good thing to have in common
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This is breathtaking. I am sorry you had to endure this and I thank you for trusting me enough to enter this in my contest. There is so much cruelty and pain out there. You are magnificent.
I commend you on dealing with this and slowly getting through it. You are pretty strong and for that I applaud you. Thank you for sharing this with me as well as others.
-hugs-
x-Rain-x -
Wow Darci. This is a truly moving piece, full of honesty and 'hope'
If this guy had done anything like that to my family...I don't need to finish that sentence do I? You know me already....
Keep up the strength Syn. You know where I am if you need me
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Yeah.....thanks, luckily he's not at our house anymore (in other words, he doesn't live with us anymore) but now he's gone kind of over the edge. It's wierd, he started leaving physically threatening messages on my mom's cell and now he's resorted to stalking us. A neighbor saw him driving by our house like, 4 times late at night supposedly. My mom actually JUST left the house (it's 4:13) to get the rest of the details and figure out what's going on. We are keeping the doors locked (since he's capable of a lot of shit).
But other than that, things have been pretty peaceful but whatever, that's life for ya!
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Very Emotional and Outstanding
Another superb write. Sometimes darkness is more horrific when based on real events. Nothing more terrifying than what some humans are capable of. I am pleased that this is over for you and your family and I wish you all the best as you begin to heal. I am sure writing is a tremendous help in venting pent up emotions, I know it is for me. An outstanding piece, inspiring to many
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well written
i love it
it makes me cringe knowing this shit actually happens to people
and just makes me mad
knowing that people are willing to do that to children
and im glad hes out of your life
awesome poem
makes me ask what i can do for those in such a situaltion
PEACE&WAR
The -poodle boy-
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awesome
thank you yet again ... ive been watchin a few ppl on here and you are my favorite.. everytime i log in i go looking and i feel blessed when i see there is a new work of art from you ... we've never spoken before i dont think but thanks... *clap clap clap*
- meghan
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AWWW
Well, thanks for the hugs compliment. Honestly, i really don't think i have that much talent. THERE ARE SOOOO MANY AMAZING PEOPLE ON THIS SITE!!! Everyone is so nice when they comment and critique, lol. Naw, i don't think we've really spoken.....BUT WE CAN START NOW!!
^_^
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I hope that you never have to go through anything like this again. I have a strange dualism in my outlook, in that many of the things I will indulge in in fiction are things that I would find absolutely abhorrent in real life. And this would be one of them.I pray that you and your family will be protected from this kind of person in the future.
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Hey Brian, thanks a lot, seriously. It means a lot coming from you, YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON!!!!!! You really are!
=D
I'm glad we really got talking, and i hope he NEVER comes back....i always swore to myself that if he ever came back, i would murder him. Then, i realized i could NEVER kill him UNLESS HE HURT MY MOM.....THAT JUST GOES WAY TO FAR.......
I'm with you only i actually wish the things i write about would happen to me. It's kinda wierd, lol. Anyway, i rely on God more than ever lately......and i know he's keeping us safe. THANKS SO MUCH!!
^_^
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I dont even know where to begin.... You are truly an amazing person!!! Your poetry is gorgeous and your soul is breath taking!!! Reading your work truly hits me in the heart(and sometimes scares the life out of me)......You humble me!!! Thank you and may God Bless You!
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I'm really sorry to hear this happened to your life. I just broken up with my partner recently and I'm going through the hardest time of my life but when I read your poem, I now realise there're people out there who faces more worse things than me.
I hope you will get through your healing process. You're a very brave person and I admire you for that.
Take care. -
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oh wow.....
Thankyou so much for your kind words!
And i'm very, VERY sorry to hear about your broken relationship and hard times.
*hugs*
You know, personally, i see it this way. I don't see my issues as worse than yours, i see them ALL as equally damaging but the only difference is the TYPE of situation. You're situation is in NO WAY a less worse situatin than mine. I ADMIRE YOU FOR STANDING STRONG and sticking life out. I'll keep you in my prayers, i PROMISE YOU that you'll get through this rough patch, there is ALWAYS LIGHT AND ALWAYS HOPE at the end of the tunnel. I didn't think the situation i was in would EVER end. NO ONE IN MY DAMN TOWN DID......and they knew how damaging this guy was. Even the cops knew (since they were down at our house a few times). Whatever you are going through, never give up hope and heavily rely on those around you for emotional support. SCHOOL, believe it or not, was the only thing that got me through life. There wasn't one kid who looked down on me in that school for dressing in black and hanging out with a certain crowd. SO STAND STRONG AND MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU! YOU'LL GET THROUGH, I HAVE FAITH IN YOU
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