She’s such a dainty thing, oh what a delight,
A sweet young virgin’s blood, is what I desire.
To fulfill this aging woman’s glow,
I will strip her freely, then set her remains on fire.
Draining the body first, pints at a time,
Then mangle the form, tearing it from limb to limb.
Again and again I shall do this you see,
Until I break the “growing old” sin.
Sweet smoothing tubs of blood,
Refreshing to my skin.
Sliding down to the bottom,
I take all this pleasure in.
Several hundred bodies,
Sprawled from town to town.
We took each and everyone,
We will take them down.
If you hadn’t gave it up,
And never slept around.
We’ll steal you in the night,
To face yet, another round!
Then the flesh we’ll watch burn,
Poor lost soul will never be found.
Within the end you see,
They are nothing but ashes on the ground.
Yet this is simply cool with me,
For I will remain the same way.
Death may have stolen your friend,
But it gave me a younger face.
Author notes
A contest entry for:
Give Me Subtle Blood (adult)
Come in and give it a shot.... Or a bite... Or a burn...
A contest entry
- Give Me Subtle Blood (adult) by MessedupMarionette.
950 points, ended November 26, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Hmmm--this was pretty good. However, the first and last few stanzas, the rhythm didn't seem quite right--the lines were too long to go for the feel you seemed to have in mind. Also, the rhyming seemed slightly forced, not too bad but "Desire" and "Fire" just seemed a little... yeah. But it was a good poem, and thanks so much for entering!!
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-hides behind the cusion- this is a dark and scary write which is perfect for the prompt and is beautifully done. best of luck mom
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Wow, this was just scary honey, you are doing too well at these vampire writes
Well written, Love you...Scott 
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