Pacing around,
The streets empty,
The darkness broken
By the light of the moon
But it's not penetrating
The darkness of my heart
And of my soul.
As I walk around,
I think so much,
About what i've done,
And had done in return
I try to say sorry,
I just can't word it!
How can I say,
That I never meant,
To be so cruel,
Or to hurt you at all,
That I never meant,
To lose my temper
Or to raise my voice
How can I show you,
That I want you back,
To hold you again,
To kiss you again.
Pacing these streets,
I realise the truth,
I can never say these things,
Because you would never,
Never understand,
How truly sorry I am,
That you can't realise,
You're in the wrong to,
And as the sun begins to rise,
I know I'll never love again,
Like I loved you,
I'm sorry for breaking you,
But you broke me to.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Unbelieveably accurate
and ive just realsied that i've already commented... ooppps. Oh well... I cant help it. Its a great poem... people say they can relate... i can say... that was written about me and a unknown species... god now i sound like a twit. So yeah. Thanks again hunny. Just to also say. Ive been told to analyse the effective use of title/first line/last line. that was just awesome... i dont like it it keeps trying to tell me what to do! argh! i shall leave you here and talk soon xx
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Good write........I can relate
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You can sense the sadness and regret in this piece. you can also see that you want to be understood and explaining whats going on. great write.
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well done
I love the strong emotion in the poem, You did a great job, well done -
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i like the short staccato lines, but there needs to be more space between the lines, its like you're trying to match free and flowing water with short broken sticks
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Well ...
I'm not big on lost love poems, and free verse normally doesn't do much for me, so that's a couple of hits there. You need an extra "o" here:
You're in the wrong to(o),
and here:
But you broke me to(o).
since "to" is a preposition and "too" is an adverb meaning also.
It's been my experience that rarely do these things work out. Once the connection is broken, it's very rarely restablished. The world is full of people, and there's always somebody else out there. I'd say, forget this person and move on.
It's difficult to know how to critique free verse, and I rarely make the attempt, but it looks to me as if you've handled this subject well enough all things considered.
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Wow.
This is so emotional and brilliant! I can totally sympathise with this! I love the last lines:
"I'm sorry for breaking you,
But you broke me to."
I'm just gonna say that the last to shouldve been too. But yeah, it's really really great! -
-Cries-
THATS just like sooooo cool! its all about lil old me! its just soooo accurate, next time you tell me you can read me like a book, i am not gonna doubt you! luv ya!
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