Shes 130lbs of pure indulgence,
and as she takes off her pants for him,
he sees the stretch marks coving it all up,
almost ripping at her sides.
He can have his way with her tonight,
but by dawn she won't be alive to hear him,
reducing her to the waste of good intentions she is,
reducing her to the diseased body of lard she let herself become.
Author notes
Thisismywonderland
What do ya think?
Comments
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It's a good concept. I feel so helpless because I can't reach out to these girls who have distorted images of themselves. Don't just look in the mirror to see your reflection - take a real hard look, you'll see the beauty there. And never let anyone else tear you down. I've been down that road of self loathing, it's a terrible ride so if you ever want to talk about anything to a stranger, I'll listen. I'm a good listener.
Content aside and looking merely at form, structure, flow ... it needs a bit of work. It is probably from the restriction of ten lines that you had to fit it in because if some of the lines were cut up more into smaller lines, I think you could have made a better rhythm. Not sure if "of lard" is needed, kind of sounds weird. Diseased body is good though. Thanks for your entry. -
hmmm it's very promising, i agree with heartbeatsxfading it wouldve been much better with more detail.
what i wouldn't give to be 130lbs.
whoever told you,, you are fatis fucking stupid!!
♥ ♥
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I like dthis, but I wish you would have put more detail in it....
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