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a poem



yesterday your face
was like grey stone
all lines and cracks
with a bollard nose-

today it is bone china

those cheap clothes you once wore
have been replaced
with fancy shoes
and designer threads

now you strut around the high street

the breasts you once despised
now energized
by a bigger bra-

and a scandinavian surgeon

the cigarettes you smoked
(you made your own)
with jaundiced hands
and a stoneware tongue

now a grim and distant memory-

like our love







A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Inside and out
    January 18, 2008

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    This is quite good. I love the imagery. The creative way that you have compared all. Well done my friend. This is one of my faves. Good luck in the contest.


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    January 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    ***

    This is quite an interesting piece, I really have no idea what to say about the abstractness of it, it's just so totally out there and makes me wonder, but it does leave me in awe, it's just so very well put together, I rather like the imagery used in it. Nice job and thanks for entering


  • fangs to blame
    January 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I'm jelous.

    Know that thats a good thing. This poem really made me think on how very true it was and how powerful your words described the characters feelings.Thanks for this work of art you have given us.


  • Tam
    January 7, 2008

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    wow...

    well done!
    love the word play and edge this poem rides down like a slide...to a great punch line...
    frankly, I think I know that chick too...
    LOL!
    this is good poetry...
    Blessings! Tammy


  • raggyann
    January 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    sad poem but so very true
    people and changes
    this was a good message
    but very sad


  • ChiyoKaya
    January 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really connected to this one. It reminds me of last relationship, and how much people change after a break up. It's like you never knew them...they're someone so completely different that you wonder if anything was ever real while you were together...this poem is another example of raw emotion and great flow! You really can capture emotion, it's very good!


  • sheltered
    January 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great mataphor. Glad you finished this. Been waiting to comment for a while.


  • grannyeri gold member
    December 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Liked the theme of this poem, the descriptive words used and the ending - some great word combinations.


  • Mezclita
    December 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Aren't you glad you never continued with this "one"? Nicely captured... reminds me of an old Thai song called "dorkmai plastic" (plastic flower) lol... TC! Alex

  • Nicole Hanna
    December 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Okay, third stanza... didn't much care for. The rest of it... 100% gold. I think the third stanza just wasn't nearly as strong as the opening lines, and because the piece is so short, the strength has to be consistent or my attention starts to waver... which is hardly fair to the poem, because the final lines deserve attention... they are just as strong as the opening. As a whole, loved this piece. One of my favs so far.


  • Patpowers silver member
    November 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    UFF DA!

    Funny work! I liked the description presented in this especially in the end! GOOD JOB!!


  • Cherokee
    November 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    LMAO! You is craziness...

1 - 12 of 12