Dirty little girl
on the dirty little street
with dirty little hands
and dirty little feet.
Angry little boy
on the angry little street
pounding down the pavement
with his angry little feet.
Tired grown up man
on this tired grown up street,
Holds out his ex-wife's hat
to your tired grown up feet.
Fed up bitter lady
on this fed up bitter street,
This is the last time he will knock her
off her fed up bitter feet.
Dear objective reader,
my lecture please do heed,
never thief a person's hope,
for hope is all they need.
Author notes
"Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have."
-H. Jackson Brown Jr.
A contest entry
- SO MANY QUOTES!!!!!!!! by MerelyMadness.
600 points, ended December 8, 2007, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
This one made me faintly sad, the thought of a broken up marriage is horrible when you think of how they must have began, newlyweds, and now they're strangers, maybe enemies even...
I also liked the last two lines. For many years I lived entirely on hope, that something better would come along, that I could get away from my home enviroment.
I liked this poem because it made me think. -
Very good
Sweet, short and filled with love. The simple words say a lot and convey strong emotions without a lot of window dressing. Nice job.
-
I absolutely loved the repetition in it, it works out fantastically well! The rhyme is simply excellent and the rythm is flawless.
I loved everything, except the ending if I might say so. I thought it was a bit blunt. It sounds a bit rushed.
All in all, I did really like it.
-
-
Thank you
Thanks for your consideration and praise. I see what you mean about the end, but I feel if I'd just written it like the rest, it wouldn't have felt "ended," know what I mean?
Thanks again,
CranberryPrincess
-
-
I absolutely love the repetition in this poem. It reminds me of that old nursery rhyme about the crooked man..........good times, good times. Thank you for entering my contest!
-
-
Thanks so much!
Dear Catalyst,
I'm flattered. I never thought I'd take the prize, although I do find this piece somewhat endearing. Thank you again, very much, not just for the gold, but for having such an inspiring contest which invokes the deepest quills.
CranberryPrincess
-
-
Ascension/climax/descension was what I was going for.
I'm 16-- I haven't updated in such a long time on my bio. Thank you for the critique-- to xox thing has a point-- first half before it refers to my ex-boyfriend, the second half refers to my girlfriend now. Ah, any pointers on writing would be MUCH appreciated-- I have had writer's block for so long.. And it has been a good five moths since I have written anything...
Oh, bravo on this poem!
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
