My melancholy demeanor, is merely a masquerade of my malevolent tears,
The cries of a culling that came to quick, calling out to cold covered ears,
My sinking soul, still seeks to be saved all the same,
But is burdened by the beatings of blistering blame,
And Underneath the universe are ideas, but up above all else,
Everything is eating away at the ether that effortlessly makes up myself,
My mangled mind is melting in this molten magma skull,
As the tricky tricksters try to lie, with this juxtaposing jungle,
My fairly fractured face is falling from these fast effects,
And I cannot help but reach to rally with those that they call rejects,
My evil eyes are blinded by this blackness now beheld,
But barely born bodies of blood and of bone are banished from within their shells,
Terrible torrents of untruth and untrust are trying to tempt me from salvation,
But those dark dreaded demons that twist in the night don’t dare deny me my damnation,
So if all that is left is the weak and the weary to welcome my withering soul,
I shall rise and revolt against all that is everything, to try to take back my control.
Author notes
NeuteredBuddah
A contest entry
- PREWRITES ONLY- For people with NO gold trophies by TwilightDazzles.
525 points, ended November 20, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites! by aeolia.
380 points, ended January 19, 2008, 116 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my honorable mention or trophyless by leander.
400 points, ended December 4, 2007, 86 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Say That Again? by C J Weatherholt.
525 points, ended December 12, 2007, 62 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Who's perspective is this written from?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I am simply blown away. This poem is unmistakeably the best I have read so far (and I've read a lot) I didn't think that any of the rhyming seemed forced. Actually I thought you exceeded in that category. It's short and doesn't demand someone's attention for super long which I love! Just amazing write. You will be considered in judging. Thanks for entering my contest! It was an awesome read!
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well thats a helluva copmpliment! Thanks so much! My rhymes tend to rely largely on the rythm that I apply to the poem when I read it in my head. So I understand some people read it to a different rythm and it may seem off. No worries, I'll probably always love my poetry more than anyone else does. Thanks again for that egotrip!
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Well...
The alliteration in this poem
it's simply stellar 
Especially since alliterations (and metaphors) are my pet peeve, I could definately enjoy this one to the fullest 
The rhyme seems to be a bit forced here and there (at least, in my opinion) but you still did a great job over all!
Thank you for entering this contest, I wish you the best of luck!
Leander -
I am struck by your word choices
and metaphors--They're brilliant!
(some of my favorites)
"Terrible torrents of untruth and untrust are trying to tempt me from salvation,
But those dark dreaded demons that twist in the night don’t dare deny me my damnation,"
REMAKABLE!!!!
I can relate to this so well
it gave me lil goosebumps
Outstanding write!!
~Pastel
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Thank you so much for that compliment! This is one of my favorites of the things I've written. It's a wee bit dark, but I think that's the appeal. And who am I kidding, I love alliteration.
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great stuff!!!
great rhythm, great flow, great wordplay...
obviously a man who loves his words and adores his writing...
absolutely faultless, i loved it!!!
well done, keep up the good work!!! -
I love the alliteration! This is very well written. Thank you for following the rules and for this entry. I wish you the best
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