A lonely winged fellow stood in front of the shore
Not capable to see nor knowing how to sore
Deep in his ears a sharp piercing pound
Hearing so dull, he can not hear a sound
Name unimportant for he can not speak a word
Empathizing his pain is utterly absurd
Blind to the world and deaf to it’s tone
Mute to my ears his freedom never to be flown
He stood at the shore of impeccable lore
Knowing not of life or anything more
WHATchaTHINK???
Comments
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This has a good beginning. There are some good contrasts in the use of the senses. I think you may have meant "soar" not "sore." The rhyme scheme may be a bit to sing/sang for the pain that this poems seems to want to express. The aa bb rhyme may have too much of a happy feel to it, yet I believe even some of Poe's dark poems used this scheme. This piece does remind me of Poe's. You may consider adding a repeating haunting phrase the emphasizes the feel and major theme of the piece.
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