Feel past this body,
skin that desires fire
might lead me
but whispers will save me.
Caress my needs,
listen
as I lay beside you
exposing so much more…
Stay,
when your mind wanders;
I have dreams
left to share.
Be,
what I fear
is only an illusion,
that I might dance in your eyes.
Author notes
Male writer
In a list
A contest entry
- Stimulate my mind !! take a peek its open canvas by Laura.
1300 points, ended December 9, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Erotic Multi Round Contest (5) by Dark Otter.
700 points, ended February 27, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Judges Critique
Content 40%-33 points
I love the abstractness of this piece. I wish there was a more complete narrative for it. More characterization and description of the moment and event. The ending doesn't quite flow right.
Poetic Devices 20% 15 points
Simple words with no metaphor or simile or alliteration. Part of it is style, very bare bones.
Form 20% 18 points
I like how you arranged this poem. The single words at the beginning of the stanzas promised so much. Your form has lots of erotic potential
Spelling, grammar, punctuation 10% 10 points
I think you nailed this category
Appearance 10% 10 points
The background color works for the black and white photo. Its grayness makes the 'vulnerable' photo stand out even more.
83 points out of a 100
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This brief read
has a powerful impact. I like the form you used and the creative concept. This is the second piece that used a more subtle form of erotica. It will be a tough piece to eval but I truly enjoy its beauty.
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oh I like very much!!!!!!!!
an enticing write indeed!!!!!!!!!!!
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orhhh what a great and impactive ending to the poem... very thought provoking indeed.. glad you used the pic it really enhances the feeling of the poem well done and good luck in the contest xx
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Interesting. I've heard better from you, but this is still very good. Beautiful.
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"That I might dance in your eyes"...
Such lovely words. They seem destined for greatness. The more I read, the more I enjoy your works.
Blessed be,
Billie Jean
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Caress my needs...
Oh my. ...that I might dance in your eyes. Beautifully written and clinched with that last line. Stay. Be. Excellent.
~Pamela 
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