We who used to roll on grassy knolls,
through moist fields in morning dew,
who had eaten crab apples as they fell;
who had licked the sour, sweet juice
from each other's fingers.
who had fallen alseep
in the lazy heat
of summer, in the daytime
We who are now seated
across from each other
on a wooden bench,
enveloped in the deep orange
of late afternoon
we who are now
without words.
Author notes
Option Four (peaceful, though not always happy, place.
A contest entry
- 24 hour contest... by poet2angels.
475 points, ended November 23, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - - by hilly.
2724 points, ended April 10, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The BEST and origanal option contest that could ever be out there so please enter now cuz my hand is about to fall off from typing ALL this...THANK YOU!!!~ by SmartBrick.
300 points, ended June 7, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - * SUMMERTIME* by wingsofgold25.
500 points, ended June 15, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Peaceful Easy Feeling by davidwright.
600 points, ended June 15, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Feedback?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Brings back memories of my childhood. The ending puzzles me. It almost sounds as though you've ended up in the home for the permanently groovy.
Nice write and thanks for the entry. Happy trails -
Hello JocelynClaire.
This is an interesting piece. I have to admit I wasn't 100% sure with the punctuation or lack of with this.
Anyway; there seems to be a quiet understanding in the piece that they are not getting on as well as they used to, as there is a slight lament but almost detached in a way, more like an analytical observation due to the description of the environment. Not a big description, but enough to make me think the person in the piece isn't overly consumed by the emotions generated, or has acknowledged what is happening and has a sense of peace in the understanding of it.
What also leads me to this interpretation is "without words", as without suggests loss, which again leads to a negative interpretation, rather than for instance; if the person was to say "no need for words".
My regards.
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I realy liked this Title brought back memories when we were Kids. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
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I really like this poem!Especially the title "We who used to roll on grassy knolls" Beautiful!So anyway good luck with my contest!
signed confused -
Child's Play. Not.
"grassy knolls" obviously rings alarum bells in most Western minds.
But this piece, which left me not knowing what to think, not excaly - is these peoples lesbians? Or a broader thing, a society gone rung down a ladder to ... - but not JFK. I guess.
So, a distancing, disturbing effect, and I wonder if the author were not delicately skirting around being more overt.
I found the punctuation and lack of stanzalisation added less to the poem than the diminishing length of line. Still ....
Pas du Pense,
Master Anarchy.
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i'm diggin the vagueness of the piece. the slant rhyme was enjoyable. thanks for entering.
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Very vivid image this brings...Sad and lovely...
Great job with the prompt
Lynda
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This is very good. You did a really good job with writing this. God bless you in all that you do and write and good luck to you and your poem in this contest.
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