A crack
s p a n n e d
the pavement
The day my angel fell from smooth propriety
Her threadbare wings were battered and broken,
mascara
leaked like shame from her eyes
G r a c e l e s s now
she held her face in shaking hands
Somehow, the seems of reality have torn.
For my angel
who soared so high above
is no more
Author notes
you cant *fake it* forever.
A contest entry
- The Lies.Wont.Hide.Your.Flaws♥ by Dead Star--x.
475 points, ended November 20, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I am looking for honest reviews. If you see something that would look better another way please dont hesitate to say so
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Congrats on the HM!
Wowzers! An awesome piece. The imagery is superbly done. You have really portrayed your emotions well...and in so few words. This really is a beautiful poem. Only one small thing seems...would be seams in that context
Superbly penned, congrats on the shiny!
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You have come so far in your poetic ability. It has been my pleasure to watch the metamorphosis. In this piece, you have well chosen words that illustrate the theme beautifully. The only flaw in this otherwise wonderful work is that you want "seams" in L10. Congratulations on the trophy Sarah!
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zt,
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, you flatter me!
Seams was supposed to be that way, it had a double meaning.
sarah
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This poem is fantastic, i wouldn't change a thing
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i honestly like this-if anything it could be longer but it does just fine with the length it is.. i love what youve conveyed through this♥
thanx for entering & good luck
Dead Star--x -
Wow, what a simple yet complex writer you are. You offer a stunning image. --- Thank you.
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Thank you wattle, I am flattered to be read by such a talented writer.
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I absolutely love this piece, but found myself wondering about the title. Did you want it to be spelled pedalstool or pedestal? I'm not always a fan of people putting spacing between letters in words, but I think you did it perfectly. You did not go over the top. Your background is gorgeous as well! Overall its a beautiful read. Thank you.
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Very good Roxy, you were the only one to catch that!
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wow
I wanted to say "seams of reality" but then saw it your way - evocative crack on the pavement (the one that breaks your mother's back), the ending of illusion, I liked it.
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