Run
go after her
don't let her leave.
no not yet.
there's too much left to say,
stop HER.
Hold you breath,
don't inhale the exhaust of the fading bus.
You need her so much.
You need her.
A contest entry
- 12 lines or less by J.J. Sass.
525 points, ended December 2, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - QUICKY prompt by notsotorturedartist.
320 points, ended December 8, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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you must care very deeply about this women to have written about her leaving yet you wanting her to stay so badly good luck
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actually.....
I have no idea where this came from when i wrote it. i've never even been in a situation like this. weird, huh?
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Practice makes us all better, good luck in the contest.
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..?
i'm not sure exactly what you mean. Thanks for wishing me luck.
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I think you meant hold 'your' breath in line 7 and not 'you'.
I like the overwhelming sense of desperation in this piece. You've definitely captured the emotion in the moment.
Thanks for entering.
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i think the final line really makes this piece. the exhale, under your breath, as it sinks in that the subject is truly gone. great job.
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thanks.
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