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Ciggarette box..

As you sit, just on the screen

 

i wait for you to fall.

 

you're consuming my thoughts. 

 

Empty ciggarette box

 

it's coming, any minute now.

 

you'll fall off the monitor like humpty dumpty.

 

i won't even bother to put you back to gether again. 

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • J.J. Sass
    November 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the ending of this piece, although it should be 'together' (one word).

    I was hoping for a story behind the cigarette box (one 'g', not two as you have it) that wasn't there, until slightly in that last line. After reading a reply by you to a comment that you don't smoke and it's your mom's, I thought now the story begins to unfold - I just wish it was weaved into the poem somehow.

    Thanks for entering.


  • Melissa Burns
    November 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    *~*~~*LOL*~*~*~* That was a clever little bit of a read - I hope that you have good luck in the contest you are in ....


  • sheltered
    November 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Lol

    At least it's empty.

    • no-way-ap
      November 19, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      yeah haha i'm not a smoker, in fact i think it's gross.

      they're my mom's

      originally it rhymed..it started of like....


      the you sit up on the screen..
      silver lining, glares at me.....


      then went on, but then the contest said "no rhyming"

1 - 5 of 5