he had secrets
inside her pillow -
that murmured
of the way he slipped
between hallways,
and half an empty silence
that remained
Author notes
22 words
A contest entry
- psst..i have a secret by Suzanne Dia.
450 points, ended November 19, 2007, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my quickies or snippets by leander.
400 points, ended December 4, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please give some honest and constructive criticism -
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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What an amazing poem you have penned here my dear. truly a great, thought-provoking poem full of beautiful images - very well done!
thank you for entering the contest, I wish you the very best!
Leander -
OMG ~ you are amazing. You should be a published poet... x
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This poem speaks to me of deep intimacy in the beginning. I enjoyed the way it moved from the pillows to hallways too, it suggests me their love is omnipresent, if that makes any sense. And that last stanza is simply brilliant - a little sad though. But I love the way you show things and this poem is a great example of that.
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oh.. i may be looking too hard but i don't see this as lovely like the others-
i see something malicious in the night visits from across the hallway- unless you are in a dorm room situation.. no one across the hallway should be visiting your pillow in the middle of the night...
but maybe im looking too hard-
either way the wording here is wonderful- a well deserved trophy for sure
m
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this is a lovely lovely poem
soft, gentle and lingering
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wow
see, you blow me away with what you do with word limits
I LOVE the secrets in pillows
thank you
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omg...22 words to paint something so very powerful...my pillow has been whispered to and it bids me goodnight and goodbye every night awwwww....
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He is still there in the pillow.... like a feather... not there, but still he's there. I know this so very well. Beautifully written, Namita.... that "half" speaks louder than the silence.
~ Nicolette
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