My heart used to be cold as ice
The very ice that formed long ago
Which never seemed like a price
For that hard of a blow
Because someone broke my heart and soul
Just left it lying out in the abyss of time
Never to return again like it was his role
Like a perfect malevolent crime
I laid out in despair until I heard your voice
A voice that makes me forget any worries or concern
And at that instance I knew my choice
I'd leave the pain behind to burn
For I had another chance
Another way to redeem myself and regain what was lost
Because after one lovely glance
My long forgotten heart began to defrost
After I first met you I knew I couldn't live without you
You were my one and only
My love for you grew
And I knew for sure I'd never be lonely
I never understood your ever so subtle gestures of romance
Never comprehended that you even loved me
All I could ever ask for was one dance
You agreed and I got my guarantee
For you held me very close with a voice so fine
And whispered in my ear that you loved me too
What your eyes always seemed to define
And my heart always knew
Now its been almost two years
Two years of your love and devotion
It's only brought us closer together without tears
Like the waves of the ocean
This will steadily continue and never will cease
For we will always be together no matter what endeavor
As we continue to live in heavenly peace
Because i will love him forever
Author notes
This was inspired by my boyfriend Shadow, and by listening to Our Song by Taylor Swift.
Contest- Option 2, Username~ Midnight-Moon
A contest entry
- Your significant other............... by parntsoftwins.
300 points, ended November 23, 2007, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Thank You For My Life! by bruntbeauty.
375 points, ended November 23, 2007, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All Forms, All Subjects by something wicked.
600 points, ended November 24, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Heart of stone by Izu.
450 points, ended December 3, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LOVE: Made for Each Other by Shenanigans.
1000 points, ended December 15, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Falling In Love by WayWithWords.
400 points, ended December 10, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Opitions!!!!!! LOTS OF OPITIONS!!!!! by teenagefailure.
425 points, ended December 15, 2007, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
tell me how i did plz.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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it was beautiful and sweet. The rhymin seemed a tad forced but that can happen with the abab rhyme scheme you attempted. But overall, it was very sweet. Thank you for the entry!
WWW* -
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Yeah, i was trying to make it rhyme i guess because it was part of a series of rhyming poems i was trying out. Normally i write free-verse poems. Your welcome and thank you very much!
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I loved your vocabulary and how you talked about the ice melting. I thought the first and last stanzas were a little awkward--the first probably just because you were settling into write-mode, and the last because I think you changed up your rhyme scheme or added syllables or something weird. I would go back and edit those to make this a bit stronger, because overall the rest of it is really good. (*one other thing to consider, maybe don't include the line about other people disrupting your peace...that hints at rocky times, which may be true to life, but if it's really LOVE, no other person is going to be ABLE to disrupt it anyway, right?) That is all. All in all this is an excellent piece, the emotions are real, and it flows really well. Keep it up and good luck in the contest!
--Shannon -
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Thank you very much, i will definently fix those certain parts. You are one of the only people who actually told me it needed a little work.
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Although I absolutely love this poem I have to voice my opinion... I was going to nominate you for gold but I can't stand it when people have an entry in multiple contests - so I'll give you silver instead. Thank you for the entry!
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Your welcome, and thank you.
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Golden!!!
As of November 19 2007 at 11:41pm, you are my favorite poet on here. The vocabulary....the flow...it's beautiful. You have a talent, a blessing! The message is so perfectly there! my favorite stanza was:
Someone broke my heart and soul
Just left it lying out in the abyss of time
Never to return again like it was his role
Like a perfect malevolent crime
but i love it all. it's so beautiful...please keep writing!!! BRILLIANT work!!!
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Thank you so very much!
It means alot to me to know that my poetry is actually good. I will definently keep writing. Thank you very much you are also one of my favorites poets on here.
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I loooove it! It makes me feel all tingly--I can't wait to find someone who'll treat me like that.
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Thank you!!!!
You'll find someone like that sometime, and thank you i'm glad it made it past the rigerous rosser test...jk..lol...anyway thanks again!!
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