She runs out the back door;
Running fast, ignoring the pain in her lungs.
She looks back knowing she shouldn't have,
She see's his ice cold sculptured face.
More tears falls and she runs after;
But the image of his,
Expression,
How things use to be between the two.
She wonders why this happened,
She can't help her depression.
Wanting to be held knowing she is loved,
Is it wrong to be loved?
Was it because she wasn't slutty enough?
Not how the other girls are,
Or was it because she loves a guy for their personality and not just looks.
She trips over a tree root;
Glad no one saw what happened,
Her pants ripped, knee scrapped.
Why must falling in love with someone hurt so much?
Why can't things go back when guys use to have cooties?
She punches the cold wet cement,
Not caring that her hair is a mess.
Tear stained from lachrymose.
Ripped clothes with now blood stains,
She wishes she were pretty and not dull.
She stares at the ground,
Her vision blurry.
Turning the world upside down in a fast whirl wind cycle.
She's starting to cough trying to breath,
As her lungs are covered by tar.
She winces while getting up,
Not wanting to see him the next day.
But she knows she will,
As everything will remind her of him.
She runs upstairs ;
Ignoring everyone’s voice box turning them off ,
Closing the door slightly locking it so no one will come.
She checks her phone and sobs louder as his number is there,
She starts to shake wanting to be a prisoner by his hugs.
His scent that could easily calm her,
But all that is destroyed.
Looking at her mirror the picture of them smiling,
She takes it down looking it at for a couple minutes.
She doesn't know what to do,
Wanting to rip it into tiny shreds like her heart,
But keeping it in perfect condition as life wants to hold onto him.
Falls to the ground,
Knowing she can't let go.
The emotional damage he did to her,
She tries her hardest to attempt to escape.
But he has locked her up into the lie that he loved her,
As the is the only reason for her to continue,
She can never let go.
Bella Knoll
11/18/07 6:53pm
Author notes
#1
A contest entry
- My Heart Is the Worse Weapon by adsaige.
450 points, ended November 24, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Return my Muse by Hersheys Kisses.
700 points, ended December 20, 2007, 28 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bittersweet by aligurl.
300 points, ended December 3, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ONLY Pre-Writes that should have won a trophy. by lindaburns.
1050 points, ended November 25, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options. (for lack of a better title) by Puking Faerie Dust.
900 points, ended December 29, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my honorable mention or trophyless by leander.
400 points, ended December 4, 2007, 86 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Broken Heart... Broken Dreams... by Poetryistherapy.
600 points, ended December 16, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Why dont you hate them? by look for tomorrow.
500 points, ended December 12, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Looking to be impressed... by ellipsist.
1100 points, ended November 23, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - it's alarming how loud the silence screams-- by noir eyes.
300 points, ended March 2, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-writes & Fresh Writes Welcome Here! by LadyUnique.
300 points, ended January 17, 2008, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just Give Me Something To Read by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended January 18, 2008, 88 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest for many types of poems, Prewrites allowed. by Systems Malfunction.
500 points, ended January 30, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best of the Best! by abba12.
600 points, ended March 6, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tryyy and fit a square into a circle :] *OPTIONS* by innocence jaded.xx.
525 points, ended May 2, 2008, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The endless contest (or longest contest is more like it)! by Ted E Bare.
450 points, ended April 30, 2008, 96 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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This drew me in from beginning to end. The panic, fear, and desperation are apparent in this write. It's so deep on an emotional level. Nicely written.
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This is just classic in it's own right. Very well brought out, and well read too.
It tells the story brilliantly, and keeps you glued to the finish.
well done and best of luck.
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wow, very emotional. I can feel the turmoil in this piece.
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i remember living through this. you've packed a lot of emotion into your words
thanks for entering and best of luck
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This is such a deep and sad poem, and it just makes me want to give you a hug
I felt every word, and the overall diction was good. I thought it could have been more original, though- some of the phrases you used I've heard before.
Thank you for entering, and good luck
Jeanette*~ -
Thoughts
Sidenote: If you entry was in contests that are/were already closed and judged, it would nice to kill the confusion by taking your entry out of those previous contests so the current ones won't get jumbled in with the old ones. Will return with final commentary later -
This was a good poem. It was a little different but it was good. It really reminds me of the book "Twilight" by Stephenie Meyer. Don't know if you've ever read it but it's just something that seemed similiar. Anyhow, nice write. Great job
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intriguing... for certain... I like the metaphor, but feel that it doesn't mix well with the more literal elements within the piece... I think the poem would be stronger if you chose one direction or the other - either leaning more towards reality or more towards the interpretive and inferential, and just went in that direction... I get what is being said, but stating it with the metaphor and then restating it with the literal interpretation is making it far too obvious, I think - spelling it out for the reader too much...
this piece has potential, thanks for entering it into my contest and best of luck to you...
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"Falls to the ground,
Knowing she can't let go.
The emotional damage he did to her,
She tries her hardest to attempt to escape.
But he has locked her up into the lie that he loved her,
As the is the only reason for her to continue,
She can never let go."
Intense, and I know what it is like to be "locked" in a lie that is the only thing that is keeping one going. This was very moving and raw, and the portrait that you have written here well expresses the state one is in when one cannot let go of love, even though it is a lie - because one feels it is all one has.
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"Falls to the ground,
Knowing she can't let go.
The emotional damage he did to her,
She tries her hardest to attempt to escape."
I have been there... with my first boyfriend.. who was an emotional abuser... and in the end.. he was physically abusive as well...
Thank you for entering but please re read my rules! -
Thanks for entering the contest..
Good Luck -
awww this is so sad, If only guys could have cooties
this is a really good piece and i felt a lot of emotions in here guys will always be the same they think with one thing. good luck in this contest and be strong!!!! Once again great write!
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This is quite a good poem that you have written here, though it leans a bit to the cliched side of poetry...
However, I do like the imagery you have managed to capture within the lines That's very well done!
Thanks for entering this contest,
I wish you the very best
Leander -
This is good and the only reason I’m not putting you in the finals is presentation. It was really hard to read through the background. Thanks for entering.
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oh wow... now that is what you would definately call bitter sweet.
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I love this. all the metaphors mixed in with reality images. perfect. usually I don't go for long story-poems, but this one dragged me in.
congratualations on a magnificent piece!! -
This is really powerful.
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STUNNING WRITING
STUNNING WRITING HERE!!!!! POWERFUL, DEEP AND VERY VERY EMOTIONAL INDEED. I COULD FEEL THE COLDNESS AND THE PAIN WITHIN THIS PIECE. I SHIVERED AT THE RAWNESS OF IT. THE INTENSITY IS WHAT HIT ME WITH THIS ONE. WRITTEN FROM THE DEPTHS OF YOUR SOUL.
STUNNING WRITING
WAYNE
x
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Sarah....wow. This brought tears to my eyes, and it REALLY remindes me of the first time Kenny broke up with me. It was HELL. This is an amazing poem. Although there are a few puncuation things, but that really doesn't matter.
I think my favorite part is She runs upstairs ;
Ignoring everyone’s voice box turning them off ,
Closing the door slightly locking it so no one will come.
She checks her phone and sobs louder as his number is there,
She starts to shake wanting to be a prisoner by his hugs.
His scent that could easily calm her,
But all that is destroyed.
Looking at her mirror the picture of them smiling,
She takes it down looking it at for a couple minutes.
She doesn't know what to do,
Wanting to rip it into tiny shreds like her heart,
But keeping it in perfect condition as life wants to hold onto him."
It's so true...
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If you mean by: , . :; that is how it's suppose to be. Tis free style and I think it fits :Shrugs:
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Oh ok...
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Ignore what I said I havn't found a way to delete cause it took me a minute what you meant after I replied.
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Judged
Wow, very intense write the drew me in and just...hot damn, lol. Thank you for your entry in this contest, and good luck! -
Wonderfully written, I am sorry if this is a true event. The poem was great, emotions portrayed so well. As well as the descriptive writing. Best of luck in the contest.
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